I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.
That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.
Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.
Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.
Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).
Not bad for a start.
