January 7, 2011
Turned in...here's hopin'!
So I just emailed my prospectus to my advisor. At this point I'm not sure if it is any good. I keep thinking I need to do more with the chapter summaries, time will tell. Hopefully there is only very small corrections to make before I give it to my committee. So feeling pretty good about making my self imposed deadline. On another note - I got a adjunct faculty teaching position with an online college - I will be teaching Art 101. This will prove to be interesting.
January 2, 2011
There is a reason for this melancholy
I didn't wake up until 11 this morning - very unusual for me, really thought I was going to avoid the January blues. Apparently not. Yesterday I managed to finish updating my timeline on my prospectus as well as add the section about Merleau-Ponty - so now it is a matter of tackling the chapter summaries. I can do it. My goal was to finish them today, but it ain't going to happen, which I feel bad about - which doesn't really do any good either. Just a reminder to myself how far I am from where I want to be. I'm superwoman, I should be so much farther than I am in life, right? Like I said, January slump. It is January 2nd, eleven years ago today my family changed - and yes in the long run it did change for the better - but it has taken me a long time to get to that. And that doesn't mean I still don't think of it - especially today, I just wonder if I'm the only one who does.
So, how do I know it is the January blues and not just something else. Well, like I said all I want to do is sleep and watch old movies. I slept until 11 today and the first thing I turned on was Fools Rush In. I'm very afraid that Titanic is in my near future, considering yesterday I watched The Cutting Edge. Yep, January blues. Also, I still have the Christmas tree up and the thought of taking it down makes me sick. I did the dishes rather than take down the Christmas tree - and for those of you who know how much I HATE doing dishes. I think I'll tackle the cat box next - yep anything to avoid taking down the tree. Don't even want to knit. And I'm still in my pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. Not because I don't have things to do - but because even thinking of getting dressed just makes me tired. But I will prep some more for my interview, and work on the chapter summaries. I'm not going to completely give into the January blues - just acknowledge them and keep going. Scott and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight - wow, almost like a date or something.
So, how do I know it is the January blues and not just something else. Well, like I said all I want to do is sleep and watch old movies. I slept until 11 today and the first thing I turned on was Fools Rush In. I'm very afraid that Titanic is in my near future, considering yesterday I watched The Cutting Edge. Yep, January blues. Also, I still have the Christmas tree up and the thought of taking it down makes me sick. I did the dishes rather than take down the Christmas tree - and for those of you who know how much I HATE doing dishes. I think I'll tackle the cat box next - yep anything to avoid taking down the tree. Don't even want to knit. And I'm still in my pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. Not because I don't have things to do - but because even thinking of getting dressed just makes me tired. But I will prep some more for my interview, and work on the chapter summaries. I'm not going to completely give into the January blues - just acknowledge them and keep going. Scott and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight - wow, almost like a date or something.
January 1, 2011
Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the next 365 days
Bring it 2011!
I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.
That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.
Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.
Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.
Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).
Not bad for a start.
I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.
That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.
Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.
Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.
Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).
Not bad for a start.
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