January 7, 2011
Turned in...here's hopin'!
So I just emailed my prospectus to my advisor. At this point I'm not sure if it is any good. I keep thinking I need to do more with the chapter summaries, time will tell. Hopefully there is only very small corrections to make before I give it to my committee. So feeling pretty good about making my self imposed deadline. On another note - I got a adjunct faculty teaching position with an online college - I will be teaching Art 101. This will prove to be interesting.
January 2, 2011
There is a reason for this melancholy
I didn't wake up until 11 this morning - very unusual for me, really thought I was going to avoid the January blues. Apparently not. Yesterday I managed to finish updating my timeline on my prospectus as well as add the section about Merleau-Ponty - so now it is a matter of tackling the chapter summaries. I can do it. My goal was to finish them today, but it ain't going to happen, which I feel bad about - which doesn't really do any good either. Just a reminder to myself how far I am from where I want to be. I'm superwoman, I should be so much farther than I am in life, right? Like I said, January slump. It is January 2nd, eleven years ago today my family changed - and yes in the long run it did change for the better - but it has taken me a long time to get to that. And that doesn't mean I still don't think of it - especially today, I just wonder if I'm the only one who does.
So, how do I know it is the January blues and not just something else. Well, like I said all I want to do is sleep and watch old movies. I slept until 11 today and the first thing I turned on was Fools Rush In. I'm very afraid that Titanic is in my near future, considering yesterday I watched The Cutting Edge. Yep, January blues. Also, I still have the Christmas tree up and the thought of taking it down makes me sick. I did the dishes rather than take down the Christmas tree - and for those of you who know how much I HATE doing dishes. I think I'll tackle the cat box next - yep anything to avoid taking down the tree. Don't even want to knit. And I'm still in my pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. Not because I don't have things to do - but because even thinking of getting dressed just makes me tired. But I will prep some more for my interview, and work on the chapter summaries. I'm not going to completely give into the January blues - just acknowledge them and keep going. Scott and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight - wow, almost like a date or something.
So, how do I know it is the January blues and not just something else. Well, like I said all I want to do is sleep and watch old movies. I slept until 11 today and the first thing I turned on was Fools Rush In. I'm very afraid that Titanic is in my near future, considering yesterday I watched The Cutting Edge. Yep, January blues. Also, I still have the Christmas tree up and the thought of taking it down makes me sick. I did the dishes rather than take down the Christmas tree - and for those of you who know how much I HATE doing dishes. I think I'll tackle the cat box next - yep anything to avoid taking down the tree. Don't even want to knit. And I'm still in my pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. Not because I don't have things to do - but because even thinking of getting dressed just makes me tired. But I will prep some more for my interview, and work on the chapter summaries. I'm not going to completely give into the January blues - just acknowledge them and keep going. Scott and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight - wow, almost like a date or something.
January 1, 2011
Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the next 365 days
Bring it 2011!
I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.
That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.
Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.
Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.
Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).
Not bad for a start.
I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.
That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.
Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.
Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.
Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).
Not bad for a start.
September 24, 2010
How I met Mr. Wonderful
Scott and I celebrated our fifth anniversary on August 1st. We both had to stop and think about the significance of that. It has been the longest relationship for either of us, as well as the longest either one of us has lived with another individual that wasn't a family member. We have had good times and bad times and through it all we still seem to love each other. Go figure!
As many of my friends know, my marriage to a certain guy fell apart in the summer of 2005. We were legally separated when I went to my friend Gill's wedding in July. It was at Gill and Ben's wedding that I had a kind of epiphany. Hell would have frozen over before I told Gill about my divorce on the weekend of her wedding - so I went, acting happily married and cringing on the inside. So needless to say I wasn't expecting to enjoy myself - it was going to take all my strength just to get through the weekend. The day before the wedding was the first time I met Gill's hubby-to-be, Ben and when and I saw the two of them together, I realized that I never had that kind of relationship with my ex. And so I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and so when I got back from Arkansas I started online dating.
I had gone on a couple of dates with guys I had met on match.com, but wasn't really thrilled - so I raised the age limit - and Scott had just lowered his age limit. (There is a 13 year difference between us - but we don't even notice it) He winked at me first, so I read his profile and I said to myself, "No way, he created his profile after reading mine!" So we chatted online before I headed to San Francisco for ATHE conference. We exchange phone numbers, and he told me to give him a call if I had time in between conference sessions.
I had a couple of hours free before my first session so I gave him a call - well I ended up being late to my first session! We talked everyday, for as much as we could. At one point he even considered flying out to meet me - I told him we wouldn't get to spend time together because I was in the conference -so why doesn't he just pick me up at the airport in Detroit.
Yep, the first time we met in person was at the baggage claim in the McNamara terminal at the Detroit airport. It was like a plot to bad romantic comedy - I can honestly say it was love at first sight - well actually before first sight - in fact he already had a ring for me when he picked me up - it is a Celtic silver ring that translates to "Song of my heart." (insert awwww here). He has since met my family and most of my college friends and has passed approval with everyone (like that would ever stop me). He makes me very happy. We are very lucky to have found each other. And every day I'm amazed to find myself in a loving and healthy relationship - I prefer to save the drama in my life for the stage, thank you very much.
As many of my friends know, my marriage to a certain guy fell apart in the summer of 2005. We were legally separated when I went to my friend Gill's wedding in July. It was at Gill and Ben's wedding that I had a kind of epiphany. Hell would have frozen over before I told Gill about my divorce on the weekend of her wedding - so I went, acting happily married and cringing on the inside. So needless to say I wasn't expecting to enjoy myself - it was going to take all my strength just to get through the weekend. The day before the wedding was the first time I met Gill's hubby-to-be, Ben and when and I saw the two of them together, I realized that I never had that kind of relationship with my ex. And so I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and so when I got back from Arkansas I started online dating.
I had gone on a couple of dates with guys I had met on match.com, but wasn't really thrilled - so I raised the age limit - and Scott had just lowered his age limit. (There is a 13 year difference between us - but we don't even notice it) He winked at me first, so I read his profile and I said to myself, "No way, he created his profile after reading mine!" So we chatted online before I headed to San Francisco for ATHE conference. We exchange phone numbers, and he told me to give him a call if I had time in between conference sessions.
I had a couple of hours free before my first session so I gave him a call - well I ended up being late to my first session! We talked everyday, for as much as we could. At one point he even considered flying out to meet me - I told him we wouldn't get to spend time together because I was in the conference -so why doesn't he just pick me up at the airport in Detroit.
Yep, the first time we met in person was at the baggage claim in the McNamara terminal at the Detroit airport. It was like a plot to bad romantic comedy - I can honestly say it was love at first sight - well actually before first sight - in fact he already had a ring for me when he picked me up - it is a Celtic silver ring that translates to "Song of my heart." (insert awwww here). He has since met my family and most of my college friends and has passed approval with everyone (like that would ever stop me). He makes me very happy. We are very lucky to have found each other. And every day I'm amazed to find myself in a loving and healthy relationship - I prefer to save the drama in my life for the stage, thank you very much.
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