Future PhD Mac

Turned in...here's hopin'!

2011-01-07T13:48:00.000-05:00

So I just emailed my prospectus to my advisor. At this point I'm not sure if it is any good. I keep thinking I need to do more with the chapter summaries, time will tell. Hopefully there is only very small corrections to make before I give it to my committee. So feeling pretty good about making my self imposed deadline. On another note - I got a adjunct faculty teaching position with an online college - I will be teaching Art 101. This will prove to be interesting.

There is a reason for this melancholy

2011-01-02T14:57:00.000-05:00

I didn't wake up until 11 this morning - very unusual for me, really thought I was going to avoid the January blues. Apparently not. Yesterday I managed to finish updating my timeline on my prospectus as well as add the section about Merleau-Ponty - so now it is a matter of tackling the chapter summaries. I can do it. My goal was to finish them today, but it ain't going to happen, which I feel bad about - which doesn't really do any good either. Just a reminder to myself how far I am from where I want to be. I'm superwoman, I should be so much farther than I am in life, right? Like I said, January slump. It is January 2nd, eleven years ago today my family changed - and yes in the long run it did change for the better - but it has taken me a long time to get to that. And that doesn't mean I still don't think of it - especially today, I just wonder if I'm the only one who does.

So, how do I know it is the January blues and not just something else. Well, like I said all I want to do is sleep and watch old movies. I slept until 11 today and the first thing I turned on was Fools Rush In. I'm very afraid that Titanic is in my near future, considering yesterday I watched The Cutting Edge. Yep, January blues. Also, I still have the Christmas tree up and the thought of taking it down makes me sick. I did the dishes rather than take down the Christmas tree - and for those of you who know how much I HATE doing dishes. I think I'll tackle the cat box next - yep anything to avoid taking down the tree. Don't even want to knit. And I'm still in my pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. Not because I don't have things to do - but because even thinking of getting dressed just makes me tired. But I will prep some more for my interview, and work on the chapter summaries. I'm not going to completely give into the January blues - just acknowledge them and keep going. Scott and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight - wow, almost like a date or something.

Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the next 365 days

2011-01-01T13:23:00.069-05:00

Bring it 2011!

I stopped blogging about the time I got my job at the Toledo Restaurant Training Center. So I have been working two jobs, attempting to write my prospectus, and dealing with life - needless to say I have been extremely busy and overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I went into, what I have termed, my "hermit crab mode." Basically if I ignored the problem, then it wasn't there - and we all know how well that really works. I stopped blogging, stopped talking to friends on the phone, stopped chatting online - became a hermit. I began emotionally eating again because of it too. So, in order to set some goals and come out of my hermit crab mode - I'm blogging again. As my friends know, I put on a really good show - that everything is fine and then privately I tie myself into knots. This isn't a cry for help, but more of a proactive approach to life and achieving the things I want, and I know the best way for me to do this is put it in writing and put it out there, so I can hold myself accountable. So here is my 2011 hopes, dreams and plans.

That whole PhD thing. There are numerous steps to this - so here we go.
- Be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of January/end of February. I have been working on this prospectus far too long - I want it done. I want to continue the fieldwork in Chicago for the dis, and I want to write the damn thing.
- Action - I need to make the time to write. I prefer writing in large chunks of time - guess what, that is close to impossible with two jobs - so I need to just write when I have the time, even if that is only one hour at a time - and then take the weekends (sorry honey) to write larger parts of it.
- I'm going to turn in my prospectus to my dissertation advisor by Friday, January 7, 2011. - This means writing today and tomorrow and in between everything else. I don't have much left to do - I just need to stop editing while I go and get it done. Just four chapter summaries and a small section on Merleau-Ponty and a quick timeline edit. I can do this!
- Finish my dissertation. I want to be done with this. I am going to do my damnedest to defend by September, and graduate in December 2011.
- Action - lots and lots of work, I need to finish the fieldwork no later than March, with a final quick trip to see Romeo and Juliet in April. A chapter a month - maybe more. I have to allow time for rewrites. It is do able just a lot to do.

Hit my weight loss goal and maintain it.
- I have approximately 35 pounds to lose. I put twenty pounds on this fall. I know some people might secretly take pleasure in my set back. It is just a set back - I'm not going back to what I was.
- Action - Deal with my emotional eating again. Rather than ignore my anxiety or depression and eat to feel better - I need to face those feelings and do something about it. Eat healthy - I haven't been eating the right foods, I have been choosing the stuff that used to make me feel better - doesn't work, I need to measure my food and make healthier choices. Exercise - gee maybe I should use that uber expensive gym membership I got - back to the gym for me. I need to get active again, and if I can't make it to the gym - I do have a Wii Active - no more excuses.

Get married
- Scott proposed in November, and I said yes.
- Action - set a date, maybe tell people (still up in the air on that one) get married
- We know what we don't want, now it is just figuring out what we do want. One thing is for sure, the wedding is going to make us happy - we're not compromising for judgmental family members. Since we will probably elope - we will definitely celebrate with our close friends and family later.

Live for myself
- If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to anyone else. I have to put my needs first at times.
- Stop trying to please everyone - namely my father. I love my father dearly, but I feel like I never measure up to his standards. I'm sure he thinks he is encouraging me by asking me every time I talk to him how my writing is going. My favorite one is "Shouldn't you be writing right now?" or "Just sit down and write it one weekend." When Scott and I announced our engagement the "Congratulations" was immediately followed by "You're going to wait until after you've finished your dissertation, aren't you?" I know it is just how my dad expresses himself - that he is just concerned for my financial well being - but I have to stop letting it get to me and do what I think is best for myself.
- Let things go. It is frustrating to sit by and let another individual make (what I perceive as stupid) mistakes - but I can't waste my energy on being angry about it. I also can't spend my time fixing them either. All I can do is be there for the one person who is affected even more than I am by this individual's actions (or lack there of at times).

Not bad for a start.

How I met Mr. Wonderful

2010-09-24T16:04:00.000-04:00

Scott and I celebrated our fifth anniversary on August 1st. We both had to stop and think about the significance of that. It has been the longest relationship for either of us, as well as the longest either one of us has lived with another individual that wasn't a family member. We have had good times and bad times and through it all we still seem to love each other. Go figure!

As many of my friends know, my marriage to a certain guy fell apart in the summer of 2005. We were legally separated when I went to my friend Gill's wedding in July. It was at Gill and Ben's wedding that I had a kind of epiphany. Hell would have frozen over before I told Gill about my divorce on the weekend of her wedding - so I went, acting happily married and cringing on the inside. So needless to say I wasn't expecting to enjoy myself - it was going to take all my strength just to get through the weekend. The day before the wedding was the first time I met Gill's hubby-to-be, Ben and when and I saw the two of them together, I realized that I never had that kind of relationship with my ex. And so I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and so when I got back from Arkansas I started online dating.

I had gone on a couple of dates with guys I had met on match.com, but wasn't really thrilled - so I raised the age limit - and Scott had just lowered his age limit. (There is a 13 year difference between us - but we don't even notice it) He winked at me first, so I read his profile and I said to myself, "No way, he created his profile after reading mine!" So we chatted online before I headed to San Francisco for ATHE conference. We exchange phone numbers, and he told me to give him a call if I had time in between conference sessions.

I had a couple of hours free before my first session so I gave him a call - well I ended up being late to my first session! We talked everyday, for as much as we could. At one point he even considered flying out to meet me - I told him we wouldn't get to spend time together because I was in the conference -so why doesn't he just pick me up at the airport in Detroit.

Yep, the first time we met in person was at the baggage claim in the McNamara terminal at the Detroit airport. It was like a plot to bad romantic comedy - I can honestly say it was love at first sight - well actually before first sight - in fact he already had a ring for me when he picked me up - it is a Celtic silver ring that translates to "Song of my heart." (insert awwww here). He has since met my family and most of my college friends and has passed approval with everyone (like that would ever stop me). He makes me very happy. We are very lucky to have found each other. And every day I'm amazed to find myself in a loving and healthy relationship - I prefer to save the drama in my life for the stage, thank you very much.

My "new" job

2010-09-21T04:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my first day of my "new" job. It is part time with odd hours and scheduling. I worked yesterday for 8 hours, I'll work today for 4-6 and then I'm not sure when I'll work again. Six o'clock yesterday morning found me at a local department store - well actually just one branch of a national chain (the name rhymes with bowls). There I met up with my team leader and was given a set of instructions for the day. It was chaos to begin with - the District Manager telling us one place while the store is telling us to start in another place.

We began in juniors - my first run was sportswear - I had to scan an area ticket, scan each item, then hand count and verify. No yellow tags allowed (a handy little thing that helps keep track of counting). Two young ladies from the store hovered and verified my count - nothing like a little pressure to help you get your bearings. It took a while to remember left to right, front to back and top to bottom. I also found it difficult to get used to the machines which are now basically mini computers complete with wireless transmitting (no more finding a team leader to upload your data to), touch screen, and easier search tools. Because I was new, I was only allowed to count the hanging clothes. The morning consisted of sportswear, misses dress clothes (apparently handkerchief shirts are back in style along with suede jackets - hopefully not worn together - but can never be too sure), petites, winter coats, women's plus, clearance racks (yuck!!!!) and then starting on the Vera Wang line. By the time our lunch break rolled around, my back was bothering me and I was remembering why I only lasted a couple of months on this job nine years ago.

I spent my lunch break sitting in my car - it was just nice to sit and talk with my mother on the phone. I discovered the source of the spider webs I kept discovering in my car. A large wolf spider took up residence in Horatio (my PT Cruiser) back in Minnesota - Mom said she hadn't seen him in so long she thought he left - well he did now - I squished him. I then felt bad about it, but I couldn't very well have him crawling out of a vent and scaring me half to death while driving on the highway.

After lunch, back to the Vera Wang section, Elle and Daisy Fuentes. The Vera Wang clothes made me send up a silent prayer to get an office job very soon. I like the clothes and I'm better suited to that then counting all day - counting just makes me cross and I tend to want to guesstimate rather than be accurate - but I fought that tendency. Then I was sent over to men's basics - sleep pants. Here is where I encountered problems - I got 118 both on my machine and my two counts - the sales associate got 120. I had already transmitted so she had to go and get the print out and go through it - oh darn. I was then promoted to ties - not too bad and rather pretty to look at. I ended my day with men's shirts. I hate them with a fiery passion. Too many pins, too difficult to shove back into the cubbyholes they came out of - and then I was expected to recount every item. This is where I didn't (I know - shame on me) but I figured since I had to take out every individual shirt there was no way I could be off - and I was right. Thus ended my first day - today a grocery store. I'm thrilled, can't you tell?

Again...

2010-09-21T04:38:00.000-04:00

September 21st– my "new" job
September 22nd – thoughts on food
September 23rd – a song that makes you cry (or nearly) and a song that makes you smile
September 24th – how I met Mr. Wonderful
September 25th – favorite quotes
September 26th – a talent of yours
September 27th – a hobby of yours
September 28th – your favorite roles
September 29th – websites
September 30th – job hunting
October 1st – where I live
October 2nd – your day, in great detail
October 3rd – what makes you strong
October 4th – my worst habit
October 5th – whats in my handbag/purse
October 6th – computer games
October 7th – why I am working on my PhD
October 8th – a traveling story
October 9th – new revelations
October 10th – a photo that makes me happy
October 11th - cupcakes
October 12th – why I like cats more than dogs
October 13th – thoughts on coffee
October 14th - weight loss and body image
October 15th - my writing process
October 16th - dealing with loss
October 17th - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

Recently and 12 years ago.

2010-09-18T12:17:00.001-04:00

April 2010 - Chinatown - NYC - Diane and I in NYC on her bachelorette party weekend. This is pretty mild compared to what happens when we get together. Diane and I have been very close friends for the past five years - couldn't do with out her in my life.

October 1998 - Assassins! The Musical - I recently have been listening to Assassins again and can't help but remember the people I worked with in the show. Here's the group from "How I Saved Roosevelt." along with Zangara who kept interrupting our lovely song. ;)

Pet Peeves

2010-09-17T13:02:00.000-04:00

I have a couple of pet peeves, and these are really the ones at the top of my list that drive me absolutely up the wall. I would equate these with the horrible sound of nails on a chalkboard.

Double negatives in sentences along with obviously bad grammar. It really frustrates me when people use double negatives, for example. "It don't make no difference to me." Or when people use the "word" ain't. How does that sound right? When I had students in class use double negatives - I would correct them - especially in a speech. But I can't (I guess I could, but it would be rather rude) go around and correct perfect strangers and say, "I'm sorry, but I think you meant to say It DOESN'T make ANY difference to me."

People failing to use their turn signals. This one gets me everyday. I've even made many a sarcastic update on Facebook concerning this irritating thing. I mean, come on people, I can't read your mind, I don't know which way you're turning unless you indicate it. There these nifty little things called turn signals! Use them!

Texting/Cell phone use while driving. Mostly texting - I've almost been sideswiped twice by semi-truck drivers who were too busy texting to pay attention to the road. And cell phone usage - get an ear piece, it is so much safer.

Bad Coffee - I don't think this one really needs an explanation. Life is too short for bad coffee.

Seriously...

2010-09-17T12:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I was incapacitated for the past two days, so here is the updated schedule

September 14th– 20 of my favorite things
September 17th – a pet peeve
September 18th – a photo of you recently and a photo from over 10 years ago
September 19th – something you are OCD about
September 20th – a fictional book
September 21st– a non-fictional book
September 22nd – thoughts on food
September 23rd – a song that makes you cry (or nearly) and a song that makes you smile
September 24th – how I met Mr. Wonderful
September 25th – favorite quotes
September 26th – a talent of yours
September 27th – a hobby of yours
September 28th – your favorite roles
September 29th – websites
September 30th – job hunting
October 1st – where I live
October 2nd – your day, in great detail
October 3rd – what makes you strong
October 4th – my worst habit
October 5th – whats in my handbag/purse
October 6th – computer games
October 7th – why I am working on my PhD
October 8th – a traveling story
October 9th – new revelations
October 10th – a photo that makes me happy
October 11th - cupcakes
October 12th – why I like cats more than dogs
October 13th – thoughts on coffee
October 14th - weight loss and body image
October 15th - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

20 Favorite Things

2010-09-14T21:54:00.000-04:00

These are in no particular order - some I will explain, others I will blog about later. Very difficult to narrow it down.

Spending time with Scott - Blogging about how we met later in the challenge.

Spending time with family and friends. - In August, my cousin Jeff came to visit on his way back to his army base. This was the first time I had seen Jeff since he got back from Iraq in July. He came just for the day, but we had a great time - one that will be repeated before he goes to South Korea in the spring. Last month I also got to visit my family in Minnesota. Mom picked me up in the Twin Cities, we visited my sister-by-marriage and her two new kittens then headed back to the farm where I spent time with my youngest sister-by-marriage before she left for college, and my second dad. On the trek home I stopped in and spent time with my grandmother - then drove the 17 hours back to Toledo in my "new" purple PT Cruiser - Horatio. It is very rare that I get to see relatives from two different sides of the family in less than a week. I also got to spend some much needed time with bitch barn buddies and UCM pals. Chrissy visited last week and we went to the zoo and played Rockband, and then I went to Chicago for research and got to spend time with Jackie who kindly put me up on her super comfy couch. Then the next day I spent time with Heather and her Sam and Chrissy again. Mmm tapas. Spending time with family and friends makes life bearable during the rough times.

Cats - most importantly, Ares. Blogging about their awesomeness later.

Clue - I first saw this movie in the theatre when I was five-years-old with my parents and two neighbor kids. I own it on DVD, of course, and can quote the entire movie. It is one of those movies I can put in if I need background noise or if I just need a pick-me-up.

Coffee - Blogging about this at a later date too.

Office Supplies - I can't help it, I love highlighters, post-its, notepads, pens, pencils - you get the picture. I think that is why I've stayed in school so long - I like school supplies - I especially like to color coordinate, but I like it even more when I find something I like on sale.

Musical Theatre - I love directing them. I love acting in them. I love watching them. There are three musicals that I hold dear to my heart, Anything Goes, Into the Woods, and You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. The first two because of the casts and the characters I got to play - Reno Sweeney and The Baker's Wife. The second time I did Into the Woods, I had a completely different perspective on the show and can appreciate it on another level. I directed YAGMCB last fall, and had such an incredible experience - it was just the push I needed to remind myself why I want to be a professor.

Knitting - Blogging about this later too.

Facebook - Because this is where I can keep up with friends and family.

Losing Weight - Blogging about this later too.

Bright Colors - they just make me happy - I love to wear them, knit with them - you get the idea.

Traveling - I'll blog about a favorite trip later, but I really like going to places that I have never been to and exploring. I started traveling at an early age because my dad was in the army, so I spent a large part of my childhood trekking through parts of Europe. I love sharing the excitement of visiting a famous historical sites and I love it even more when I get to share those experiences with friends and family.

Reading - I'm a bookworm - take a look at my goodreads page, and this is only a small percentage of my library.

Singing - see musical theatre entry - it makes me happy

IPod - all my music in one small package

Water - favorite drink next to coffee (couldn't make coffee without it) - not bottled - filtered in a reusable bottle thank you very much. It is also fun to swim in, too.

Snuggy & Blanky - two important friends from childhood.

Cupcakes - blogging about this later too.

Ergonomic keyboards - makes the life of a grad student a little less painful

Digital cameras - no more waiting for photos to come back. I love that I can take a picture and the people who I want to share it with can see it within minutes. That is pretty freakin' cool if you think about it.

Going to try this again...

2010-09-13T13:17:00.001-04:00

I was in Chicago this past weekend doing research and had no time to blog. So, I'm going to adjust the schedule and try this again starting tomorrow.

September 14th– 20 of my favorite things
September 15th – a pet peeve
September 16th – thoughts on coffee
September 17th – why I like cats more than dogs
September 18th – a photo of you recently and a photo from over 10 years ago
September 19th – something you are OCD about
September 20th – a fictional book
September 21st– a non-fictional book
September 22nd – thoughts on food
September 23rd – a song that makes you cry (or nearly) and a song that makes you smile
September 24th – how I met Mr. Wonderful
September 25th – favorite quotes
September 26th – a talent of yours
September 27th – a hobby of yours
September 28th – your favorite roles
September 29th – websites
September 30th – job hunting
October 1st – where I live
October 2nd – your day, in great detail
October 3rd – what makes you strong
October 4th – my worst habit
October 5th – whats in my handbag/purse
October 6th – computer games
October 7th – why I am working on my PhD
October 8th – a traveling story
October 9th – new revelations
October 10th – a photo that makes me happy
October 11th - cupcakes
October 12th - weight loss and body image
October 13th - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

Six Favorite TV Programs

2010-09-10T19:33:00.001-04:00

I am not a TV junkie (at least not right now), but I am particular about the shows I like to watch. So six favorite TV shows, in no particular order.

Start Trek: The Next Generation

I was addicted to this show as a young teen (I guess they call them tweens now). My room had posters of Data and Wesley Crusher, I even had a glow in the dark cutout of NCC-1701-D. I went trick or treating as a Star Trek captain one year - and was slightly disappointed that my communicator resembled the original Star Trek and not TNG. And yes, I went to three conventions one I saw Sulu, one I met Gates McFadden, and the last one I had my heart broken when reality met with my little fantasy world - Wil Wheaton was nothing like Wesley Crusher. I was attracted by the adventure and sci-fi, but was drawn in by the characters and the almost idealistic society they came from. It is a good thing I didn't have a holodeck, I would have needed more interventions than Lt. Barkley.

Buffy: The Vampire Slayer

I didn't get into Buffy until my senior year of college when it was almost over. The scripts are clever, the characters are intriguing and the dialogue still makes me crack up.
"Dawn's been kidnapped again."
"It must be Tuesday."

Not to mention two super sexy vampires (yes folks - way before Edward) Angel and Spike to drool over fantastic fight sequences. I'm not ashamed to say that I own the series and have watched it twice, once with commentary and once without.

Charmed

I do own this series too. And yes it is the complete series in the Books of Shadows and it includes the never aired original pilot. I like this show because of the strong female characters (yes they were scantily clad, but if I had their bodies I would be too), who fought evil and saved the world. I grew up an only child (much more like Buffy or Wesley) so I think that part of the appeal was the thought of having sisters that you not only enjoyed being around but you worked well together too. When Pru was killed off, I remember being concerned if the show could survive - instead it just got better with Paige. I now have three younger step sisters - so like Paige, I went from being an only child to having siblings. But unlike Paige, my step-sisters and I don't fight evil on a daily basis and don't have any kick-ass supernatural powers - that I know of.

The rest, I think speak for themselves.

Favorite College Memories

2010-09-09T15:42:00.000-04:00

There is a group of people that I am still in touch with simply known as The Bitch Barn. A majority of us met freshmen year at UCM, and we just kind of picked people up a long the way, the name didn't come around until 2001 when a majority moved into a house on College Street, most lived there, others like myself just seemed to spend every waking minute there and another still lived in a different state, but she became a Bitch Barnian by proxy.

So many memories, they all run together (yes some because of copious amounts of alcohol), but mostly because we all just had a good time together. Up until recently we even had our own private chat room/discussion board. (By the way, where did it go?) and we try to have yearly reunions since we are all spread across the US now (a majority in Missouri, but Ohio, Illinois, Arizona, and California are in the mix as well). Yeah, we've grown up (maybe not grown up, but gotten older), but we still find time to keep in touch despite all of the grown up stuff we seem to do now (buying houses, having kids, etc.).

Lots of memories blend together - all with great amounts of laughter involved. There was the champagne incident - sure lucky the cork didn't hit that car. There was the truth or dare games - can't forget one particularly interesting dare that involved the pillar of the neigbhor's porch. There was New Year's (that silly blanket game and Russian cooking and shots of some type of alcohol), oh and who could forget the shot put contest with a can of orange juice concentrate. And our most recent reunion involved nerf guns in the hallway of the Drury Inn.

We've been there for each other through everything, weddings, funerals, divorces, graduations and most recently a birth (ok so not actually at the birth, but you get the main idea). The second generation of Bitch Barnites was born last month! Right now one of the Barnites is visiting me while she is on a vacation of sorts. Today we went to the zoo, but now we are too tired to walk down to the art museum (we think it is because we are getting old.) She's going through some stuff right now and I'm glad to be here for her, and her company has been a godsend for me. Being unemployed and trying to write and job hunt and everything else has really thrown me for a loop - and with a good college friend here, I feel a bit more stable - even though I know I can get through this tough stuff - with her here I actually BELIEVE I will get through it.

I guess what prompted this specific rant is a conversation I had with my youngest sister-by-marriage a couple of weeks ago. She just started her freshmen year of college and I was just answering some of her questions and I remember telling her how much fun I had my freshmen year - that it was a very influential year not only because I started my college career, but because of the friends I made - that are still my closest friends today. I hope she has a similar experience.

Where I am at versus where I want to be

2010-09-08T12:31:00.001-04:00

I am a very driven and optimistic person. I used to be very driven and pessimistic person. I am constantly striving to improve while appreciating what I have accomplished - this wasn't always the case. I used to look at my accomplishments as failings, always telling myself, "I could have done more here." or "If I had just worked harder I would have (fill in the blank)" or my absolute all time favorite (sarcasm of course), "I'm just not (good, smart, pretty, talented etc.) enough." So now when I look at where I am at and where I want to be, I always remember to look at where I have been.

I am currently 185 pounds, I want to be 160. These past couple of months have been rough both physically and emotionally. And despite all of my work on my eating disorder, old habits die very hard and I have been doing a lot of emotional eating (eating when I'm not hungry or bored, portion control way out of control) as well as unhealthy eating (two weeks straight of having ice cream every evening). I don't feel good when I'm not eating healthy, but I can't seem to get it under control. But I have to remember where I started at - 250 pounds in February of 2009. I have come a long way, and just thinking of that number is helping me to stop and examine why I'm making the food choices I am. So, enough beating myself up - watch the food intake, increase the exercise and think positive - I can do this.

I am currently unemployed, I would like to be employed. My graduate assistantship ended in August and I am currently job hunting. I've signed up with a temp agency - but so far nothing. I've sent out 50 resumes in the area - so far nothing. And I've been told I'm over qualified to work at Target. Only one panic attack in the last week and that was when I looked at my bank account - but was quickly remedied when I sold my old car in less than 7 hours of posting it on Craig's List. I just need to find something to pay bills while I write my dissertation - and trust me working an office job or even back at RGIS (yes, I applied - ick), will provide motivation to get the thing DONE.

I am currently financially unstable, I would really love to be financially stable. See above for one reason, but the other was my spending habits - credit cards were not my friend, and I didn't get it through my head not to use them. I consolidated my debt with a debt management system and have been credit card free for nine months. (See I'm still seeing the silver lining.) It would just be nice to not have to pay money on clothes that I no longer own because they are too big. (Bye bye Lane Bryant card - forever!)

I am currently writing my dissertation proposal, I would really love to be finished and defended and ABD (all but dissertation). It has been a long and hard road and I want it done. And sometimes it seems that no matter how hard or fast I work it is still not good enough. I'm working on the third rewrite of my proposal - but hey it is better than the fourteen rewrites I had for my portfolio. At times it makes me wonder if I am good enough, my ego and confidence have taken a major beating these past six years. But I have to keep reminding myself where I have been, how far I have come - and that I CAN do this and I WILL do this, and each time I go back to rewrite, it becomes a little easier and a lot more clear as to what I am doing. But sometimes I would just really like to have it all finished and not be a grad student anymore. To quote a cartoon fish, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."

30 Day Blogging Journal

2010-09-07T19:26:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I'm swiping a page from my buddy Amanda, who borrowed from someone else, who probably borrowed from someone else...you get the idea. I figure, since I'm up to my eyeballs with writing any way, a good way to get me into my daily writing is blogging. So I've borrowed the template Amanda's using, but I've tweaked a few things, to make me push myself a little more. So starting tomorrow, September 8, 2010 - I will blog for the next 30 days.

September 8th – where you are at versus where you want to be
September 9th – a favorite college memory
September 10th – six favorite television program
September 11th – a traveling story
September 12th – new revelations
September 13th – 20 of my favorite things
September 14th– a photo that makes you happy
September 15th – a pet peeve
September 16th – thoughts on coffee
September 17th – why I like cats more than dogs
September 18th – a photo of you recently and a photo from over 10 years ago
September 19th – something you are OCD about
September 20th – a fictional book
September 21st– a non-fictional book
September 22nd – thoughts on food
September 23rd – a song that makes you cry (or nearly) and a song that makes you smile
September 24th – your favorite quotes
September 25th – my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
September 26th – a talent of yours
September 27th – a hobby of yours
September 28th – your favorite roles
September 29th – websites
September 30th – job hunting
October 1st – where I live
October 2nd – your day, in great detail
October 3rd – what makes you strong
October 4th – my worst habit
October 5th – whats in my handbag/purse
October 6th – hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days
October 7th – why I am working on my PhD

Seriously?!

2010-02-27T15:49:00.002-05:00

So starting week three of taking care of Wayne, and guess what brilliant thing he asked Scott to do today? He asked Scott to go get the handsaw out of the garage (keeping in mind this is a 79 year old man with a broken leg (red cast now - re-casted on Thursday). Scott asked him why, Wayne answered, "So I can saw off part of my cast."

We of course asked him why, and apparently it has been bothering him since yesterday. "Why didn't you say something yesterday?" asked Scott. You know, when we could have taken him back to the doctor.

"Because I didn't want to go back to the doctor," said Wayne. Oh, of course, what was I thinking - it is much more fun to let you trim it down yourself!

Obviously we didn't give him the handsaw, but we did notice a strange tear on the top part of his cast - apparently he has an utility knife on the side table that he used to saw at it for a while. We attempted to point out the potential problem with this idea (i.e, cutting himself and bleeding to death before we come back to check on him), but he quickly pointed out that he wasn't going to cut himself. Right, kind of like he meant to break his ankle two weeks ago.

Ares is doing much better. He loves his new prescription cat food (even with the crushed up pill inside), he seems to think he should have it every time someone goes in the kitchen. Everything looks good in his cat box so no sign of blockage (yes, my second favorite thing to do after cleaning up after Wayne, is to come home and checkout Ares's litter box - woo hoo, I sure know how to party.) He is much more affectionate lately too (Ares, not Wayne - although Wayne is remembering to say please and thank you - so I guess you could call that affectionate). Anyway, Ares goes back for a checkup next Saturday - so here's hoping the infection is cleared up.

Oh yeah, and I was able to write seven more questions while sort of listening to my fellow grad students give papers. Hey, gotta write when inspiration hits.

I passed my defense...and then lots of other stuff happened

2010-02-24T19:20:00.002-05:00

February 12 -
So, I passed the defense of my specialized portfolio! Woo hoo! Which means I can continue in the program and write my dissertation proposal (and then defend that) and then my dissertation (and defend that too). It was actually an enjoyable hour and a half, lots of gems of insight - things I had not thought of - and some praise too - which I really wasn't expecting. I even got a glowing email of praise from my advisor the following Monday. I printed it and it went in my "Read this when you need to feel better about yourself professionally" file.

Six hours later, Scott and I celebrated by going out to dinner and then settling in to watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics - then the phone rang. Scott's Dad, Wayne, fell on the ice. We rushed over to his place and then raced him to the ER - 3 hours later - fractured right ankle. Must stay off of it for at least 6 weeks. We leave his place once we get him settled in bed and come home around midnight to find our cat, Ares, had gotten sick.

We figured Ares just had a hairball, until he sleeps with us the entire night and doesn't get off the bed once.

February 13 -
Nine A.M. finds me rushing Ares to the vet and Scott going to his Dad's. I have to leave Ares at the vet's while they run all sorts of tests and give him fluids because he was dehydrated. Around 12:30 I call them to get an update - kidneys are fine (whew). 1:30 they call back and let me know they found a kidney stone and he has a urinary tract infection. Antibiotics for a week - bring him back the next weekend.

Ares gets home and is running around like a wild man, meanwhile his excess skin is hanging even lower on his belly because of the fluids - and is kind of giving him a bingo wing effect -or maybe a flying squirrel would be more accurate.

Finally relax (after going over to Wayne's) - and I remember - Oh yeah, I passed!

February 14-17
Taking care of Wayne, trying to write protocol questions (get five more completed and all organized), assistantship stuff, I think I did other stuff but everything is kind of fuzzy now. Small disagreement with Scott, and then one with Wayne so I left and went to the grocery store. And oh yeah, I passed!

February 18
Take Wayne to the orthopedic surgeon, still slightly irked with him but not as much, Scott and I are cool. Surgeon says surgery is needed (pins and plates) but not a good idea with Wayne's age (79) and health (not so great). Cast (not a walking cast), wants us to come back the following week to re-evaluate (i.e. hasn't completely ruled out the idea of surgery, but will more than likely have to recast) The current cast is blue, if he has to recast I want pink - but Wayne wouldn't go for that. And oh yeah, I passed!

February 19
See February 14-17 minus the disagreements, but beginning of the wheel chair saga.

February 20
Take Ares back to the vet. Still blood and bacteria in his urine - most likely urinary tract disorder. The doc ordered another two weeks of antibiotics and special cat food. (I have to have a prescription card for this food and cannot purchase it until I show it at the checkout...my cat has a prescription card). I determine it is a good thing I love my kitty so very much to spend $700 on him in one week. But he loves his new cat food and they don't need to see him for two weeks this time. Oh yeah, still taking care of Wayne. By now it finally sunk in I've passed - but now I realize - yikes - I have a LOT of work to do.

February 21-23
Taking care of Wayne, trying to stay on my diet plan, but really craving peanut butter. Graduate assistantship stuff gets crazy, two irritating students - and still no further on my dissertation proposal or protocol questions.

February 24
That brings us to today. I'm not sleeping well do to the added tension of, well, my life. Although I think that watching Dexter (season 3) before bed might have something to do with that - mostly now that my schedule has completely changed because of a) Wayne, and b) problems at work - I'm trying to just keep it together physically and mentally. I think because I didn't have time for it to sink in that I passed, and get to celebrate that fact, everything feels a lot more overwhelming at the moment. I didn't have the chance to decompress before everything started back up again - so now the small things that didn't irritate me are becoming gigantic issues. I've gone back to the mentally beating myself up because I haven't accomplished what I thought I should by this point, or that I put a couple of pounds on rather than taking them off. Old habits die hard!!! And it is taking a lot for me to remember that I'm not Wonder Woman (even though at the age of 5 I was convinced I was for about 3 weeks). I'm just going to keep getting through the days - do what I can - and spring break is just one week from Monday. I'll take spring break to lay out the rest of my proposal and take myself to a couple of movies. And on a completely different note, I recently purchased an ergonomic keyboard, and while typing this entry I realized that I only ever hit the space button with my left hand and if I try to hit it with my right, I have to stop and think about it. Weird.

It's like having a new computer...and other random things

2010-02-06T22:25:00.003-05:00

So Scott installed Windows 7 on my computer. It is like having a new computer. Which is great, and frustrating at the same time. Woo hoo - something new to play with, but dang it, I can't find things as fast. Oh well, I will adjust. I'm really excited about the Snap feature, I just have yet to get it to work - that is on my list for tomorrow.

In other random items, I cleaned off my desk. My reasoning was that if I was cleaning up the computer then the desk should be clean as well. I even dusted, I estimate it will only take a couple of days for a layer of cat hair to make its way back onto the desk.

I think I finally understand what people are saying when they are feeling their age. I over did the workout yesterday, I feel like I did 10 years ago when I was starting the Vegas Stage Combat Workshop - only it was 25 minutes - not 10 hours. And I apparently didn't increase my water intake enough either, when I got up this morning (and I had every intention of going through my workout), my legs were swollen. I drink 8-12 glasses of water a day when I'm not working out - I guess I need to drink at least 4 more glasses when I do work out. So instead of doing the second day of my 30 day challenge on Wii Active, I had to settle for Yoga, balance and strength training for 25 minutes on the Wii Fit.

This week I will be baking 96 muffins for my graduate seminar Coffee, Cookies and Conversation hour (a better way of saying Show talk back time). So I'm making banana nut, blueberry, cranberry and spice muffins - from scratch. I'm trying to decide if I should wait and bake them all on Wednesday night, so they are fresh for Thursday morning, or if I should spread them out over two evenings. All of the muffins come from the same basic recipe in How to Cook Everything cookbook. I've used the recipe so much that the book automatically opens to the page. It was originally Scott's cookbook, but he never used it until I started to use it and now it is a standard in our house. We even bought the How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, which has already proven its worth and we've only had it four days. I might attempt an extra dozen muffins of one type or another - after all it isn't really nice of me to bake muffins and then not have any for Scott and his dad to try. I might up it to three dozen of each type, simply because I have three 12 cup muffin tins - and I'd hate to have to mix up two different batches of muffins and then only be able to bake a batch and a half at a time....(these are the things I think about and obsess over when I am trying not to stress about my defense - and it works too!)

Owww and Woo hoo

2010-02-05T20:30:00.003-05:00

I woke up sore from my 30 minutes of Wii Fit Yoga and strength training. I almost talked myself out of doing the Wii Active, but I didn't (yea me!) Although, I probably won't be saying that tomorrow morning. So I got up at 6:30 this morning and almost didn't workout, but I had two cups of coffee and watched an episode of The Sanctuary and decided to get my butt in gear. So by the time Scott was walking out the door for work, I was starting my workout.

The Wii Active kicked my butt In retrospect, I probably should have started with a low intensity workout. I like the exercises, especially the target boxing, the only exercise that I I'm not thrilled with at the moment is the inline skating. I never seem to jump in time for it to register - so my screen self wobbles on the landing. I've also discovered that I need yet another new sports bra, as it has been 30lbs since I've done any fast exercise and things are not staying in place. Even after the warm up run that the program had me do today I just started to realize how much I need to tighten up the abs. My core is very weak, I never realized how much weight I was carrying around and how much that effected my muscle tone. In some ways it is like I'm going through adolescence again - each day my body changes and I have to get used to it again. Go figure.

The workout did the trick. I was able to sit in one place and work today - and actually accomplish something. I finally finished the consent form that has to go into my Human Subject Research packet, now just tweaking the questions I will ask my participants, and finishing touches on the intro letter and that can go to the HSRB committee next week. Finishing this has helped me to focus and start to layout my prospectus. I'm no longer dreading it, I'm actually looking forward to putting it down on paper. My biggest problem is focusing on the small items first rather than overwhelming myself with the big picture. I read in a book (can't remember which book) How do you eat an elephant? - One bite at a time, focusing on just that bite before looking to the next one. Weird, but it works.

It is snowing again...I'm really tired of the winter weather. I get depressed in the winter - lack of sunshine. So each day I try to find something to be happy about, no matter how odd it is or how bad I feel - cause things have been worse. So today when I got home and was bumming about the gloomy weather I picked up my cat Ares and hugged him. Well he had just woke up and so was still in that warm sleepy kitty stage - so he was purring and giving lots of kitty kisses. So I just buried my face in his neck and let his warm and comforting kitty smell soothe me. And wouldn't you know it - the weather didn't suck so much anymore!

Envelopes, Budgets, Chocolate and Anxiety

2010-02-04T16:27:00.002-05:00

I am very proud to announce that I have not used a credit card in two months! As intended, I went to the Consumer Credit Counseling Services of Northwest Ohio and enrolled in the debt management plan and all of the credit card companies have accepted the terms. By May 14, 2014 I will be debt free (credit card debt - student loans - that is a different matter completely). I was only paying the minimum payments, and at that rate I would never get out of debt - now I pay half of what I did. I'll be saving $12,000 in interest by the time I pay off the last card in 2014.

I also went to the Student Money Management Services on campus and got help setting up a budget/system to keep track of my spending. A lovely woman name Patricia introduced me to a yearly excel spread sheet, that for my little brain seems to be working pretty well. I've also implemented the envelope system. I have an envelope for each day of the week and at the end of each day I put the receipts in the day's envelope. And each week, I take my cup of coffee, turn on some tunes and go through my receipts and update my spending plan and budget. Until I started tracking some of my expenditures, I never realized how much money I was spending on coffee. Yes, that is right - I have a coffee habit. I used to get Starbucks 6 days a week, most of the time it was just coffee, but often times I'd have a cap or a frap or some other drink - and the price really added up. Now, I've cut back to 3-4 times a week, during the work week - I only get a grande coffee and in my Starbucks travel mug (save $.10 per cup), and one fancy coffee drink on the weekends. Also during the week I can only by my coffee with change I have with me - so no cash, no coffee. So the whole spending plan and budgeting thing is really paying off so far.

I passed another milestone in my weight loss 73.2 lbs. I have 19.6 lbs. until my goal - 150 lbs. That might sound heavy, but to me that is skinny, especially when at my heaviest I was 250lbs. To date I have gone from a size 20-22 to a size 9-10. I can fit into an 8, but won't wear it out in public yet. I know that I've lost weight - really I get it - people don't recognize me sometimes (which I find weird, but that is beside the point) - but I still feel like I'm a fat woman. I spent so much time overweight that it is difficult to accept that I'm average size now. I've also developed another odd bit of paranoia - I feel (and I KNOW this is ridiculous) like people are watching what I eat and just waiting for me to put all the weight back on. And don't even get me started in shopping for clothes - I went and picked up an eight at Old Navy, and was sure that everyone around me was thinking, "Who does that fatso think she's fooling by buying an 8!" So needless to say I have some mental adjustments to make as I embrace this new body.

As of two hours ago, I got back on a regular exercise routine. I did my Wii Fit for the first time in 543 days, as it so lovingly pointed out. It was cool my Mii doesn't look like a bowling ball with legs anymore, however the thing still says I'm overweight. And I must admit, I was not too happy with the couch potato comment when I wasn't balancing well during one Yoga pose. It will take some adjusting, I was used to carrying all of that extra weight and now that I don't have it I'm having to relearn how to balance again - and wow are my abs weak! So this getting into shape thing is going to be difficult - but worth it. I felt much better (mood wise) after I went through the Yoga. Tomorrow it is on to my Wii Active.

In other news, I defend my specialized portfolio with my full committee next Friday. What does this mean? Well, if I pass then I can continue on in the program (ie prospectus and diss), if I don't pass then I'm done. So think positive thoughts that day. I'm getting really anxious about it - which in a way is kind of silly since it is really out of my hands at this point - but I find it hard to focus and get things done. If my bitchbarn crew was closer I'd say we need to have a "Get Macaela Drunk Night" and see what antics I would attempt while intoxicated. But since we are scattered, I will have to try something else instead. Suggestions? I should knit, but that would require me to sit in one place for longer than five minutes and I haven't been able to do that this past week - but I will attempt it again. Before when I was anxious I'd eat. It is a good thing there is no ice cream in the house. It is at these times that I miss pizza the most!!!! I have nutritionally designed chocolate candy I can have - but it is no substitute for a real piece of chocolate - and I'm not talking Hershey. If only I could buy single Ferraro Rochers at the grocery store.... Le sigh.

My year without pizza

2009-12-29T13:12:00.004-05:00

March 7, 2010 marks the one year anniversary of the last time I ate a piece of pizza. Do I miss it? Sometimes - but my health has improved. Since March of 2009 I have lost 70 lbs. I have 20.6 lbs. to lose before I reach my goal. I have lost 23 inches, and 10 sizes.

Last year I reached the point where I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror and I hated seeing pictures of myself. So I made a new year's resolution to change it - and I have. I have so much more energy now. I truly believe that the changes I've made in how I eat, what I eat, and how much I eat have made a lasting impact on my mood and over-all health. I'm confident again - something I haven't had in a very long time. And that confidence helped me to write again as well - I defended my in house portfolio in October and will sit my out of house defense in January (February at the latest).

Since setting my mind to things has really paid off - I'm going to take it further this year. I am in debt up to my eyeballs. I'm in so much debt that there is no way I can get out of it at this point. My credit card payments (minimum) are more than I make in one pay period. I'm 30 years old and on occasion have to ask my parents for money. I'm done with it. I'm taking the steps to get financially stable now before it is too late. I won't bore you with how many credit cards I have or the amount of credit card debt. I never really learned how to handle money - and after my divorce my spending got worse - partly out of necessity and partly out of shopping therapy. So I'm paying the price now.

One thing that has helped me lose the weight is to think positive and celebrate small victories. I look at my weight loss in 5-10lb increments rather than thinking of the entire 90lbs at one time. I'm going to keep a positive attitude about my financial situation as well. I could feel sorry for myself that I might have to declare bankruptcy, but instead I look at it in the positive and count all the blessings I have in my life. And I will approach spending the same way I did the weight loss. If I am grocery shopping and I have an impulse to buy a bag of Cheetos, or chocolate, or what have you - I stop and ask myself if I am hungry? Why do I want that particular item? (usually it is a comfort food). And my favorite question - If I eat this, will I feel better? The answer is almost always no. I'm going to do the same thing with spending money. Now that my credit cards are out of the picture - I'll I have is my debit card or what cash I have on me. I used the credit cards as an excuse to spend. No more.

So here starts my year without credit cards.

Hey, look! I'm blogging again!

2009-07-19T12:17:00.000-04:00

Busy year - nuf' said. Returned on Wednesday from the Bitch Barn Reunion in St. Louis and family visit. Miss my friends and family already. But thought I'd start off the blog again by leading with this information. I've hit my half way weight loss goal - 47lbs lost! Woo hoo! And while we were in the Burg, Scott asked my dad for permission to marry me (of course Dad said yes - kind of shocked I do believe) - anyway - Scott hasn't proposed - so don't think that this is that kind of announcement - but still, big step for the both of us!

The Weird Al Experience, corrected

2008-07-15T21:22:00.008-04:00

I try to word my entries carefully, but apparently I was not careful enough with my last entry. I did not realize that the term "groupie" carried such a negative connotation. I find myself embarrassed and humbled by my irresponsible mistake. Thank you OE for bringing it to my attention. Without realizing it I was insulting a group of people that I really meant to praise. So here is the reworded paragraph.

"I made two discoveries (and in retrospect I really shouldn't have been surprised, but it must have been the shock in discovering other avid Weird Al fans). One, Weird Al attracts tour chasers , and they hung out in the parking lot after the show listening to the song he closed the show with "Albuquerque." And second, there were a large number of second generation nerds - the Weird Al fans and their kids...and the kids knew all of the words to all of the songs. I felt like I wasn't nerdy enough to be at the concert!"

The Weird Al Experience

2008-07-15T13:59:00.006-04:00

On July 6th, Scott and I went to see Weird Al Yankovic in concert at the amphitheatre at the Toledo Zoo. It was worth the heat and the wait. When I got the tickets, I immediately called Scott and informed him we were going. He called me a geek. I quickly informed him that I wasn't a geek, that I was a nerd, there's a difference.

The concert didn't start until 45 minutes after it was scheduled to, but that gave us plenty of time to people watch. Scott turns to me and says, "These people make you look normal." There was a wide variety of individuals present - I felt like I had stepped back into Hosey and Houts Hall from my freshmen year of college.

He played a wide variety of his songs, mostly from the current album, Straight Outta of Lynnwood. He did play his parody of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" (You're Pitiful), which isn't on any albums. It was a thing of beauty. The ending for it, he appeared in a Spongebob Squarepants t-shirt, polka dot shorts and a pink tutu. The best part was his salute to Star Wars complete with Darth Vader and Storm Troopers. The Emperor was on keyboard for "The Saga Begins" (American Pie).

Even if you don't like Weird Al, you have to admire his stage presence and his theatricality in performance. Costume changes for the band came at key points in the show, which was multi-media - while they changed, "Al TV" episodes played. You can tell that he and his band have worked together for years - when a technical glitch appeared - only the trained eye could tell they had to cover.

There were a number of surprising revelations - there are Weird Al groupies, and they hung out in the parking lot after the show listening to the song he closed the show with "Albuquerque." Also, there were a large number of second generation nerds - the Weird Al fans and their kids...and the kids knew all of the words to all of the songs. I felt like I wasn't nerdy enough to be at the concert!

"White and Nerdy" from the Lynnwood album still makes me think of people I went to college with and lived in the honors college dorms. I must classify myself among the nerds - especially since while I'm writing this I'm listening to my Weird Al play list on my IPod.

School and Shoes

2008-07-14T15:09:00.007-04:00

I got an assistantship for the school year!!!! This is good news, school will be paid for and I will have a job I will enjoy that I only have to work 20 hours per week and make the same amount of money as I did when I was temping for 40 hours per week. So one less thing to have to think about. Now I can go on my excursions this month and not have to worry about finding a job at the same time.

Since I started working in the corporate world, my shoe style has changed. I no longer had to be on my feet for 8 hours a day so I started wearing high heels again. Now, I like wearing heels whenever I get the chance. So needless to say two of my three outfits for my reunion will have a high heel of some type. (The outfit for the picnic will have a wedge rather than a traditional heel because we'll be on grass). Scott and I usually avoid the mall at all costs, but Friday night found us there waiting for our movie and thus I found my self in a shoe store.

Take a look at this shoe.

It isn't sensible by any stretch of the imagination. The heel is really high, but I can successfully walk in them without looking like a dork. They make my ankles look sexy. And to top it off I only paid $26 for them. Lots of reasons to keep them, lots of reasons to take them back. On Friday night, I decided to take them back almost immediately after I got them. But then I took them home and put them with the outfit I'm wearing and I decided to keep them. By Sunday night, after not having looked at them for two days, I decided to take them back again. But after trying them on again Monday morning and taking these pictures, I decided to keep them. So what do I do when I'm in a quandary about shoes, ask my mother who is very sensible in the matters. She said take them back that they aren't practical...then she saw the pictures and called me to tell me to keep them and that she'll pay for them because they are too cute not to have in my shoe collection.

So now that I'm adding another pair of shoes to my closet, I've decided to get rid of two pairs that I never wear anymore. I think that is a pretty good trade, don't you?

10 years later

2008-07-13T20:47:00.012-04:00

Last week, I had a disturbing dream. I dreamt I went to my 10 year reunion only to have one of my high school friends ask me if I was pregnant. And in my dream, I said yes - but I wasn't - I just didn't want to say, "No, hon, I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat, but thanks for noticing."

OK, chances are that dream isn't going to come to fruition and neither will the other nightmares I've had leading up to the momentous occasion. So if my subconscious is stressing about it, why the hell am I going? I'd feel like a coward if I didn't.

So, I am going, and I'm looking forward to it. I might not be in a great state physically, but mentally - I'm a hell of a lot better than I ever was in high school. I'm willing to be if there are individuals who are stuck in judging people by the way they look, they are still the shallow individuals who I didn't give a rat's ass about back then either. So what will they see when they look at me? A confident, poised, charismatic, intelligent, vivacious and successful young woman.

Do I wish I was thinner? Of course, but that has always been a theme in my life. Even when I was thin I still thought I should have been thinner. Before I began treatment for my eating disorder, I used to think that I couldn't lose weight because I was weak. Or that I was a loser with no will power. Why couldn't I lose the weight and keep it off? Why couldn't I stick to diets? Overeating was the only way I knew to deal with major problems in my life, because that was what I was taught. I wasn't given the skills to learn how to cope with grief, anger, stress, rejection and abandonment. It was, "Here, have a cookie." or "You'll feel better after you eat something."

While everything else was chaotic in my life - the food was always there. I could always count on a pizza to keep me company during my comps, or that pint of mint chocolate chip to soothe my broken heart. The food didn't help me cope with any of it, it just made me take my mind off of it and pretend that the problems weren't there. Food was my best friend and worst enemy for 21 years. But it doesn't control me any more. My body shows the signs of the battle I've had with food, but I'm not going to let those pounds (scars) stop me from going.

I had another dream last night, and in it a girl who used to pick on me comes over and asks me what I've been doing for the past ten years besides eating. And in my dream I answered, "Oh, nothing much really. I've traveled, married and divorced, moved out of state, published, hosted two international playwriting competitions, earned my bachelors, masters and currently working on my doctorate, oh and conquered a life long eating disorder. And you?"

Senior photo - 1998

The era of the receptionist

2008-05-20T19:40:00.002-04:00

You might have noticed that I haven't blogged in about two months. Yikes! Well, I've been doing that hermit crab imitation again. You know, hold up inside your home and pretend nothing else exists. I'm getting pretty good at it too! Since about March 20th or so, I've been temping as a receptionist at a very large commercial real estate agency. I sit at a desk for eight hours, typing, answering stupid questions on the phone, and watching MSNBC. After sitting for eight hours at a desk and listening to moronic subject matter (both the telephone and the television), the last thing I wanted to do was come home and sit at the computer and type.

The most I do on the computer after work is maybe check my email (not regularly), play some mindless game on the computer or race Mario Kart. I did watch many hours of not-so mind numbing television and finish my second knitting project (pictures to come). So, what has brought this hermit crab out of her shell you might ask. My job as a receptionist will come to a close on Friday! While I will miss the friends I've made at work (a very funny and witty group of women and men), I will not miss the tedium of being a temp receptionist. But I cannot completely hate the job. If it wasn't for this time answering phones and the like - I wouldn't have realized that I am so very ready to go back to school in the fall. I'm looking forward to working in my trade again, you kind of forget that you come from a different environment until you make some sort of comment about theatre/academia and you're looked at like your from outer space. (Apparently when discussing the musical The Lion King comments such as "I found that the character Timone's costume a blatant homage to Disney cartoons rather than keeping in the same stylization of the other characters." does not endear non theatre goers to join in on the fun).

I'm ready to go back and finish this damn degree! Even if it means working more temp jobs to do it. Hopefully the next assignment comes very soon and has as many interesting and goofy people who will keep me occupied!

An email that made me chuckle

2008-03-13T20:42:00.005-04:00

I still keep in touch with my former in-laws, most of the time its a mass forward, now she doesn't do it every day, just once in a while. I do the same for her and her daughter - kind of lets everyone know, that we're still alive and laughing. Well, this forward that I got from her made me snicker - some are mean, some are stupid, and some just give you a chuckle, but given the tone of my last post - I thought it would be rather amusing. Enjoy.
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE 'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !
WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Drama Queen, who me?

2008-03-07T22:05:00.009-05:00

I don't think I'm a fanciful person. Am I drama queen? Depends on the connotation of that phrase. In the good sense - yes - I am a passionate person and I experience emotions, I don't suppress them. In the bad sense - I should think not! I don't create drama, I don't meddle in people's business, I do on occasion overreact - but usually those are for very short periods of time...I digress.

My dad-by-marriage called tonight - he never calls me - so needless to say I was slightly alarmed. He begins the conversation, "Don't be alarmed, but your mom is in the hospital." (Sentences with buts, never end well for me...I have a whole history of bad news brought to me by a variation of those very words and each and every time the news takes me to the very place the person saying those words didn't want me to go.) It's my mom, she's never sick, of course I'm slightly alarmed. It's gallstones, there will be some more tests tomorrow to determine if she will be having surgery. I'm worried. I know I'd feel better if I was geographically closer to her. Then I could see her and I'd stop imagining the worst. But I don't panic, instead I call my love at work. I figured if I hear his voice, I won't freak out.

So I call him, and he can detect the verge of panic in my voice - well that and I say, "I'm scared." He assures me she's fine and I say I know this but I'm still scared. In retrospect, it is one of those Mars and Venus things going on in the conversation. (OMG I just used that term...anyway) I was calling to hear - in a calming voice - something along the lines of, "Don't worry honey, everything will be alright, I'll be home soon and I'll give you lots of hugs and kisses to reassure you that all is right with the world." (But of course much more eloquently.) I hear instead that I must realize that my mother isn't getting any younger and people's bodies start to fall apart and that it will probably be happening to him in a decade or so, and its a part of life and that I shouldn't be a drama queen. (This isn't a direct quote, I'm paraphrasing, note the lack of quotation marks around the sentence.) Essentially its the same thing, in his male loveable way he was trying to use reason to get me to see the logic of the situation, in order to keep me calm and not to worry about a situation I can't do anything about. It does make sense. But emotions don't make sense and sometimes you have to experience the emotion before you can see the "reality" of the situation.

I need to go through a little bit of panic, that initial shock. It is someone I love dearly and she's sick and I can't be with her - of course I'm going to worry and be alarmed. I need to have those 5-10 minutes, then I'll look at it differently. If the panic lasted longer than that, by all means - give me a dose of "reality" - My friends in college were quite good at those, I still think Margaret's responses are still my favorite - "Knock it off " which was usually followed by an elbow to the boob or her "angry" face and a threat to be kicked in the knee caps. Ah, fond memories...I digress again.

Well, when my love gets home I think I'll give him a hug call him, a big poo-poo head and turn in for the night. Blogging seems to have taken the, so called "drama queen" out of me for the evening.

Un-Neighborly Neighbors

2008-02-17T23:01:00.004-05:00

If you ask some of my old cronies...I used to be quite the hothead, you know quick to anger, well I've mellowed since those days. However, tonight was the exception. Well, it happened. I finally had a confrontation with the upstairs neighbor, you know Stompy McStomperson. All day we've been hearing stomping and banging...not a problem, they were putting together furniture. But come 10 pm, it was still going on. We called up to ask them to keep it down and were immediately met with a brick wall. So Scott wanted to go upstairs to talk to him in person to get this all cleared up. I went up with him to make sure I didn't need to bail him out of jail later on. So we went upstairs to talk to him.

I had every intention of having a civilized conversation with this man. After all this man is a sort of big wig in this city, I figured he would see reason. HA! Well...lets just say, he wouldn't let us speak and was telling us that it was terrible for us to call the cops on him before and that it was his church group. I pointed out that we didn't know what was going on all we heard was the loud noise. He tells us he's not loud, and we basically exaggerating everything and basically trying to make us feel like the bad guys (well my step-daughter was on crutches and how can you....) When I could squeeze a word in he would interrupt me. The man already had the conversation planned, and in his little mind he's right, everyone else is wrong. Well I finished with pointing out that he wasn't the only person in the building and to please have some consideration for others. (He was quick to mention that we are the only ones that ever complain about his noise and I quickly pointed out that we were the only ones that live below him.) I started to walk away, (Scott is still standing there, slightly surprised that I was the hothead in this situation) and he said something, I don't know what now, but it was the last straw and I ended with the "piece de la resistance." Screw You! Yep, I told him "Screw You!"

Needless to say, not my shining moment and I ended up in hysterical tears by the time we came back downstairs. I haven't felt this angry since a certain evening in 2005 when I was drunk and given some very disgusting news. On that evening I had a lot of alcohol in me, both people who were involved in the situation were at the party and I couldn't leave - that was the closest time I'd ever come to doing physical harm to another human being. Well, tonight those same emotions were there but without the alcohol. It scared me to say the least. What I think triggered it was the fact that conversation wasn't something this man was going to listen to unless it was what he wanted to hear. Also, I know how much this guy pisses off Scott and I don't like seeing the ones I love upset and angry, so that was probably part of the trigger too. I wish I could take back the screw you...sort of, maybe if I could have said it in Latin instead.

The 80's

2008-01-28T11:15:00.000-05:00

IF YOU WEREN'T BORN BEFORE 1987 DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT THIS QUIZ
1.How old were you in 1980?
Just turning one

2. How old were you in 1989?
just turning 10

3. Were you a Toys R' Us kid?
yes - "I don't wanna grow up, I'm a toys r us kid. There's a million toys at toys r us that I can play with. From bikes to trains to video games, its the biggest toy store there is. I don't wanna grow up, because if I did. I wouldn't be a toys r us kid!" I know kind of scary!

4. Did you watch Transformers?of course -
Transformers, robots in disguise!

5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
It was my first trip to the movie theatre - I was scared of ET

6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
no, but I wanted one so bad.

7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Rose of course! I took the Lifetime quiz, "Which Golden Girl are you like?" I'm most like Rose, I would have thought Dorothy. Mom was like Blanche! Ha!

8. When someone says " Who you gonna call? " You think?
Ghostbusters!

9.What was your favorite toy?
tied between He-Man and She-Ra and cabbage patch kids and my little ponies

10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
Yes! I loved that thing! I wish they'd bring them back, for adults.

11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
I was their biggest fan, just ask Gill.

12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
Joey!!!!

13. Did you watch The Care Bears?
Of course - Grumpy Bear was my favorite.

14. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
Who didn't?

15. Did you have a charm bracelet?
Nope never did.

16. Did you own a glo-worm?
Yes, a little one.

17. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
Yes, mine was also a ruler!

18. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
I'd have to say Sixteen Candles, I didn't see Breakfast Club until I was in High School.

19. Did you have a crazy hair style?
Nope, but I did put it in a side pony tail and I crimped it too!

20. What was your first bike?
The first one was a German brand, then I gut a pink Huffy.

21. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
Um...I still have most of my stuff from childhood in storage.

22. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
Yes, 15, I still have them all. I know...

23. Did you dress like Madonna?
I tried.

24. Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry Shortcake - rainbow bright was stupid! (quoted my six year old self)

25. Did you watch Miami Vice?
No. I liked Magnum PI!

26. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
Of course, who didn't?

27. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes, I finally got rid of the first one a couple of years ago.

28. Atari or Nintendo?
Atari, baby. But Nintendo has a place in my heart as well.

29. Did you play Pac-Man?
Nope, just wasn't my thing.

30.Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or Barbie and The Rockers!?
Jem and The Holograms. I can still remember the song!

31. He-Man or She-Ra?
I loved them both. My cousin thought She-Ra was hot and had her on his birthday cake for his 4th birthday!

32. What movie scared you the most?
ET, still not a fan of that movie.

33. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
Yes, and I used to be pretty good at the Thriller Dance!

34. What Is The First Thing That Comes To Mind When You Hear "FLUX CAPACITOR"?
Back to the Future. McFly!

35. What other colors did Pepsi come in? Which is best?
brown in the 80's - I drank it when I was a kid because of the Michael Jackson commercials.

36. Roger Rabbit Or Howard The Duck?
Both, probably Roger Rabbit more.

37. Did you ever beg your parents to have your school picture taken with the 'LASER' background?
OMG, yes!

38. Do you know what the Ninja Rap is?
Can we say Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anyone?

39. Do you know why people cringe when they hear the word BUCKNER?
Nope, don't remember that one?

40. Can you name the family members from any of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies?Clark, Ellen, Audrey & Rusty Griswald

41. What was your favorite 80's movie?Oh, there are so many.
Probably between Clue and Vacation.

42. Wally World or European vacations?
Wally World, it's the original. Right Michelle!

Stupidity, Frustration and Sadness

2008-01-26T19:33:00.000-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me the dumb things that people do. I'm not sure what is worse that they have no clue that he or she is doing something stupid, or that he or she knows and does it anyway. For example why send someone a coupon for stamps that expired in 1994 and expect to receive a reply? Or assume that a pdf file refers to storing things on a 3.5 floppy? And it doesn't matter how detailed one gets in writing instructions, people still won't read them. I have to be fairly cryptic, but if you want the real details you know where to find me.

I've been feeling sorry for myself, yet again, because of the stupid job situation. Didn't get the dream job, my current temp job ended and I haven't found any announcements for assistantships for next year. I want to finish school, but I'm not sure how that is going to happen. Costs a lot of money for grad school. Ideally, if I can find an assistantship, that would handle the last class and my portfolio defense and my prospectus creation and defense. But I can't get one with my department because I'm entering my fourth year and I'm not finished with my portfolio. So the only options are outside the department, but nothing has panned out yet. I keep telling myself it is early, but...I'm worried. If I can get a full time job I'd be able to get loans to finish school, that would work, it wouldn't be great and I'd never get to see Scott in between class, work and study, but I'd finish somehow. I'm so very tired of being in limbo and wondering where my next paycheck will come from and if I'll ever get to finish with school and get on with my life. I know that taking the year off was the right thing to do--the only thing to do--but part of me is really angry at myself for not sucking it up and going on. Part of me still feels like a loser for taking a year off.

I know we all have to grow up and move on, duh, that's what happens with life, but there are some things that just suck about being an adult. I miss the college days at times, and I think those of us who were part of the Bitch Barn family and extended family wish we could all be together at the barn for a Saturday night of video games, drinking, laughing, talking, and maybe some orange-juice-can-shot-putting. It wouldn't make reality go away, but for a couple of hours we could all be together and laughing. I know it would help me a lot but I know of one person in particular it would help even more. I wish computers could give hugs.

I get it now.

2008-01-13T19:08:00.000-05:00

I've seen Office Space a number of times now, and I've tuned into The Office on occasion. I enjoyed them and found them funny but I didn't find myself saying, "That is so my life at work!" Well, that has changed. I've been temping at giant pharmaceutical company for the past two weeks doing data entry. (Yawn) I understand it now. I appreciate that movie and TV show sooooooo much more now.

Most of the people I work with are great...but there are the few...I want to cry and scream at their stupidity and inane reasoning, but, really would it do any good? Wow, I wish I could get paid and get medical benefits for sitting around on my ass all day and gossiping with the girls about everything and anything under the sun. Friday I listened to them wax poetic about Britney Spears and how much so and so is spending on her wedding. Thursday it was something really abominable misconception about theatre (had to block it out) and how much so and so spent on her wedding. Wednesday it was about baby stuff and kids and how to raise them (yes because 20 year old mothers know soooooooooo much!) and how much so and so spent on her wedding. See a theme here.

I know it is a horrible thing to say, but it has done wonders for my intellectual ego. I don't feel nearly as stupid as I did when I decided to take a break from school. I can hang out and do this stuff for a couple more months, but....DAMN, I can't wait to go back to grad school! I get it! I totally understand why Milton wanted to keep his red stapler!

Cute, but dangerous.

2008-01-05T18:48:00.000-05:00

On my birthday, I got up with Scott and watched the news. The tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo was the top story. My initial thought when I saw the story was, "Ok, who teased the tiger?"

Think about it, you're a tiger you have a comfortable enclosure where you can be outside or inside depending on your mood. You have food and water given to you - no need to hunt, your every whim is catered to. Why attack a couple of teenagers for no reason? Animals aren't like humans, they don't attack just to be malicious. At first the media was blaming the zoo, the wall of the enclosure is 4 1/2 feet shorter than the recommended height. Why didn't the tigers get out before then?

The two survivors aren't being forthcoming with answers either, their lawyer says they didn't taunt the tigers. Yet a witness saw them taunting the lions before the tiger attack. Hmmm. They don't taunt tigers, but they taunt lions. Feline discrimination or lying morons?

Two years ago, Scott and I went to the Lights before Christmas at the Toledo Zoo. We stopped by the tiger enclosure as we were leaving. The tiger enclosure wasn't lit up, so some really stupid morons decided to shine the flashlight into the enclosure to find the tigers. They were curled up at the back in one big pile of tigers, sleeping, minding their own business. The people kept the lights on them and called, "Here kitty, kitty kitty." and "Hey wake up back there." I immediately jumped on them and told them that it was really stupid to taunt the tigers, and tried to appeal to them. They looked at me like I was from outer space. Apparently the zoos are there for human amusement only not as a preservation of wildlife but rather an entertainment venue for Ma and Pa Trailertrash and their 14 brats. I wonder know if Mr. and Mrs. Trailertrash think about that night and count their lucky stars. (Tigers enclosure at the Toledo Zoo is an enclosure complete with chain link fence, reinforced glass viewing area and wire netting)

Tiger bathing at the Toledo Zoo - very house cat-like, but look at the size of that tongue!

It reminds me of those little brats at the polar bear exhibit. They were talking about going in there and shooting the baby polar bears. Sure they look cute and cuddly but I was immediately reminded of the strength of the animals when the baby polar bear tried to chew on me through the glass. Still, at the time I wouldn't have minded throwing the brats to the bears - teach the parents and the kids to show some respect for such powerful animals.

Look at the size of those paws - probably wouldn't have minded a bratty kid as a mid-morning snack.

Yes, zoos are wonderful, but they are the places where animals live. Treat them with respect. How would you like someone shining a light in your bedroom window when you were trying to sleep? Or how about some drunken teenagers creating taunting you and breaking into your home? Yeah, I'd bite too!

December 26th - Year 28

2007-12-26T21:30:00.000-05:00

I wake this morning to my beloved boyfriend grumbling/bellowing, "I can't find the sandwich bags." You would think I could at least get a "Happy Birthday Macaela!" before the sandwich bag question. Well, he remembered as he was heading out the door. I think me sitting on the couch opening my birthday presents from my family was a pretty good hint. We're not morning people so I totally understand the one track mind mentality when you are trying to function in the morning. Our trains were on different tracks this morning, his was "Damn it, I have to go to work." and mine was "It's my birthday, pay attention to me!" So he went to work and I went back to bed, I thought that 7:00 AM was entirely too early time to be up on my 28th birthday. And all was well again by the time my head hit the pillow.

At 9:30 I'm awakened by a very off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday." Apparently I can answer my cell phone in my sleep now! It was my Dad, Aunt, Uncles and Mother by Marriage, calling to wish me a "happy birthday." I thanked them for the presents. I have come to the conclusion that one is officially getting old when the previously funny birthday cards are replaced with the thoughtful tear-jerkers. Apparently parents get nostalgic when their only/youngest child is creeping closer to the age of 30. At 9:45 my good buddy Melissa calls to wish me a happy day and we talk for a good long time-a good long time for us is about 7 to 10 minutes-she has two small kids and I have...well...stuff. So after gabbing with her I figure, I'll drag myself out of bed. No sooner than I had started to make coffee, my mother calls. Along with the "happy birthday," I also get the yearly reminder of the day of my birth. "I'll tell you what, I sure feel a lot better today than I did (fill in my age) years ago at this time." She continues to tell me of the details of my birth like what I weighed, what I looked like, how my father didn't believe she was in labor but was quite happy I was born a week early because I was a tax break - you know the usual mother stuff.

While drinking my coffee I start to watch, Dr. Phil. I know, it is sad but I really don't like to miss the show if I can help it. And besides, its my birthday, I can do what I want. And then my grandmother calls - which completely surprises me because she usually forgets I exist. It is not intentional mind you, but I'm the only grand kid that doesn't live within a 30 mile radius of my mother's birthplace. Of course it was a "happy birthday" with a side of guilt, because it has been almost two years since I've seen my family in Minnesota. Maybe next year - but I'll be damned if I'm celebrating Christmas on my birthday (but that is another blog entirely.)

By noon I headed to the mall to see National Treasures: The Book of Secrets. Good movie, if you're a history and legend buff, which I am. I thoroughly enjoyed myself - I splurged and decided to see the movie in the Director's Hall, where they have leather-like stadium seating, assigned seats that you choose and someone who escorts you to your seat. I'm living the big life now! (That was sarcasm in case you missed it.)

I hit the mall of course, the one good thing about having a birthday on December 26th, you will always find a sale! Shopping on my birthday has never been a bad experience. At precisely 3:27 pm (eastern time) I rang in the beginning of my 28th year with a chocolate covered strawberry from Godiva and a medium cafe mocha.

I was afraid this year was going to be a bad birthday because I was spending a majority of the day by myself. I had never done this on my birthday before, and frankly, I was dreading it. But it was a great day, I didn't have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself! And I still got to have dinner out with Scott and spend time talking at a dinner table rather than on a couch in front of a television set. And I think one of my happiest moments is that for the first time in 20 years, I didn't binge on my birthday.

Here enjoy a piece of virtual birthday cake. Mmmm, tiramisu!

The Wait is Over.

2007-12-21T11:19:00.000-05:00

I didn't get the job. They went with the other candidate. The one who is a job hopper. I hope the program goes down in flames. Can you tell I'm SLIGHTLY pissed at the moment?

Scott and I watched Christmas Vacation tonight, and Clark has a rant that he goes on about his boss. I feel it fits my situation. And thus here's the quote, with my fixes of course.

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like that guy, the one who didn't hire me, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there in the burg with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? "

The Waiting Game...resumed

2007-12-13T13:31:00.000-05:00

My interview was yesterday and it went really well. So now, I wait again...this time it will only be until next week. I will hear one way or the other soon. I was interviewed by six individuals, the Dean, four people from various departments in the college, my old professor and a member of the community. The member of the community just happened to be someone I used to act with when I was in high school and he was in college. He's the first person I see as I walk into the room and he smirks at me. My immediate thought was, "I've seen that man's bare ass across the stage!" What a way to go into an interview!

Like I said, the interview went really well, I was in there for one hour so that is a good sign. So just keep your fingers crossed. I'll say it, I really want this job!!

Waiting game is over...for a little while

2007-12-07T20:02:00.000-05:00

I got an interview. I'll be in the 'burg Sunday through Saturday! Woo hoo!

The Waiting Game

2007-12-04T21:11:00.000-05:00

I am the queen at the waiting game! It never fails, last week I was in a huge hurry to make sure my application materials were in on time and now I wait. I'm waiting for other people to decide if I'm worthy enough and experienced enough to be interviewed. It'll be one week tomorrow that the materials had to be in. And all I can do is wait. Needless to say I'm trying to keep as occupied as humanly possible. Thus I planned meals once again (Loaded Baked Potato Soup, page 30 of Cheap, Fast, Good! use half and half instead of milk). I also finished my second knitting project!

I learned to knit in 7th grade home economics class, but I've never finished a project. I have a lot of half finished scarves sitting around (one nearing 14 years old). But in the last month I have finished two, a scarf and a matching hat. I've never been one who can sit still long enough, thus why my projects take forever. But, Friday night during a particularly rough spell of the waiting game, I sat and knitted for 3 1/2 hours straight. I'm not one to sit still for very long so this was quite an accomplishment. Scott modeled them for me and now wants a hat to match his scarf I'm working on. This first project is a Christmas present for my Grandfather. And hopefully I'll be able to give it to him in person in the next two weeks! At least I'm being productive, but I really wish they would call and let me know one way or the other.

A cat can save the day

2007-11-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

If you think about it, a house cat has it made! Someone to take care of them, feed them, love them, hug them, clean up after them, etc. But Ares does a lot for me as well. Today was a blah kind of day. I wake up to three cell phone messages, none of which were the best. The first message was from a reference of mine telling me that he/she put my reference letter in the mail...yesterday. Unfortunately, the place has to have everything in their hot little hands tomorrow. The second phone call was from my temp agency calling about the job I did yesterday, the office manager couldn't find the key to the money drawer and wanted to know where I had put it. Gee, right where she told me to! The third message was from the temp agency again asking for me to call them back immediately for a job opportunity.

So today, before I had coffee (you know what, I got so busy I completely forgot to have coffee today!), I was returning phone calls. Luckily the place I'm applying at will take a faxed letter as long as the reference letter will be there shortly. I missed the job opportunity and I let the temp agency know that I had indeed put that blasted key right back where it belonged, I almost added, "Tell the nasty old bat to open her eyes!"

Well after all this, I was storming around the house and went into the bedroom and there was Ares sleeping on the bed. Curled up in a tight little ball. So of course I had to hug him! And I instantly started to feel better. Nothing like hugging a warm cat when you're upset, and its even more of a bonus when he purrs and tries to lick your tears!

Frustration....oh, and a really cute polar bear cub

2007-11-21T23:21:00.000-05:00

So I'm in the job hunt again. And a fantastic opportunity has come up! I am so excited about this job opportunity. So of course, everything must be perfect. Perfect resume, perfect cover letter (the bane of my existence) and of course the perfect references. References, that's the problem...I have a number to choose from, but I want this particular person to write one for me, who has in the past, but for some reason has been unreachable for the past week! I know this person has got my messages, so why aren't they returning an email or a phone call. And then of course, I start to think, that he or she is mad at me for some unknown reason, or maybe they don't want to refer me because they think I suck, or worse yet, they know someone else who wants the job and referred them instead!!!! (And before you think I'm over reacting, in the academic theatre world, you are always less than six degrees from someone else, so that could be a very real fear!!) So hopefully this person will return my messages, I will still go on to plan B references, but make sure the references don't feel like they are plan B's. :(

But after all this ranting I need to look at a cute baby polar bear picture. The Toledo Zoo has three of the four baby polar bears born in North America. It has been fun watching them grow up. The twin girls were out when I took my mom and dad-by-marriage a couple of weeks ago. One of the cubs decided that the den area was fun to play in, and there is a window right there. Yours truly got the best pictures! The cub even tried to bite me through the glass, ah, how cute! So enjoy the pics!

Cooking! I can do it without setting the kitchen on fire!

2007-11-18T12:54:00.000-05:00

For the past week, I have planned and executed all of our dinners and lunches. I never had the time before, but since I've been playing house girlfriend, I've had lots of time. While it can be a pain in the butt planning a whole week of meals, in the long run, it ends up saving money and time. Go figure. I even had dinner planned and cooked by the time I got home from my one temp job. So for the last week here has been our menu.

Cranberry Chicken - this recipe was done in the crock pot. Apparently the smell of cranberries permeated the house the entire day and drove Scott nuts. I substituted the chicken pieces for boneless, skinless chicken breasts and it worked wonderfully! We had it with couscous and a salad. Quite a success, if I do say so myself. I found it in my Fix It and Forget It, cookbook on page 175.

Mac's Meatloaf - family recipe with my own tweaks. It calls for 1 1/2 pounds of ground beef, but we doubled it and baked it with a bunch of potatoes. We got six meals out of it! Works great for lunches. If you really want the recipe, I guess I could share, but I'll only mail it through snail mail!

Pasta with Broccoli, Sausage with a Ricotta Surprise - a Rachael Ray recipe. Sometimes it is a hit or miss with her recipes. The first time I make one of her recipes, I follow the directions exactly. But sometimes I find that the sauces don't reduce enough in the time the book says they should. Also, I don't have a lot of fresh herbs on hand (sometimes they are too pricey and the farmers market is winding down) so I substituted dried parsley for fresh. Also, use only 3/4 cup chicken stock (I used chicken broth) instead of what the recipe says. Pretty tasty recipe and not too bad reheated, this dish serves 4, but we got six meals out of if. It is on page 80 of Express Lane Meals.

Lemon Steamed Fillets - Desperation Dinners at its finest. I have yet to meat a Desperation Dinner meal that I have yet to like. This one is really easy and really tasty. Fish prices, being what they are, we went to Costco and purchased a large package of tilapia (it was 4.59 per pound, by far the cheapest in the area) and what we didn't use we individually packaged in snack bags and then put all the snack bags in a freezer bag and put them in the freezer. This way I won't have a fish popsicle when I go to defrost them. Very light and tasty and not fishy at all! We had ours with rice pilaf and salad. This is on page 278 of Desperation Dinners! They now have a number of cookbooks out, but this recipe was in the original cookbook.

This week, will be shorter as far as cooking goes. Tonight it's a round roast done in the crock pot. That will last for dinner and lunch for probably two to three days. And then a chicken recipe with feta cheese. Wednesday night is celebration for Scott's birthday so we're going out, and then of course Thursday is T-Day, which I don't have to cook this year. So I'll just post the picture of the perfect bird from 2004. (Didn't get one from last year, it was carved into to quick!)

I want a pizza....now!

2007-11-12T16:43:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I'm having a crappy day and all I want to do is eat an entire pizza on my own. I'm not going to, because that would require leaving the condo, which would require me to brush my hair and look less scary, so no, not happening.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I hate looking for a job. I've been at it for two weeks now. You'd think the temp agency I'm signed up with could find me something. I've applied at more retail stores today than I care to think about. I've answered the same question twenty times! Whoever said that it is easy to find a job once you've had an education should be dragged through the streets by wild horses or NYC cab drivers, whichever is available.

And this is just the Internet side, tomorrow I get to go out and about and find the places that only want you to apply in person. Oh goody, I get to wear heels then tomorrow. I draw the line at pantyhose! Where's that damn pizza!!!!

I have a Bacon number of 3!

2007-11-11T16:01:00.002-05:00

Everyone has played "Six Degrees of Keving Bacon." Started by some college kids the idea is that Kevin Bacon can be linked to any actor in 6 steps or less. So I got on the IMDB database to see if I could link myself to Kevin Bacon through Allan Kayser.

Allan Kayser attended CMSU (now UCM) my freshmen year of college and we were in the musical Into The Woods together in the Central Missouri Repertory's 1999 season. So on my own I linked my self to Kevin Bacon in 6 steps:

Macaela was in Into The Woods (1999 CMR)with Allan Kayser.
Allan Kayser was in Night of the Creeps (1986) with Jason Lively.
Jason Lively was in European Vacation (1985) with Chevy Chase.
Chevy Chase was in Christmas Vacation (1989)with Randy Quaid.
Randy Quaid was in The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) with Illeana Douglas.
Illeana Douglas was in Stir of Echoes (1999) with Kevin Bacon.

Pretty neat. However, I came across another website called the Oracle of Bacon, here they do the work for you. So I typed in Allan Kayser and he can be linked to Kevin Bacon in two steps, so that links me in three steps, thus my Bacon number is 3.

Macaela was in Into the Woods with Allan Kayser.
Allan Kayser was in More than Puppy Love with Lisa Sloan.
Lisa Sloan was in Starting Over with Kevin Bacon.

I will never be a homemaker...

2007-11-09T15:52:00.000-05:00

Since I'm unemployed at the moment and currently in the throes of job hunting, I am a stay-at-home girlfriend. I do not know how the homemakers of the world do it. I am currently going through a list of things I've been meaning to do but haven't had the time. So today, it was cleaning out the closets. Talk about fun. I then made a trip to my storage unit and pulled out my winter clothes. Just the thought of unpacking all of those things and then restoring all of my summer clothes makes me tired.

This morning found me on the couch going through my recipe books and planning a week's worth of meals. I am glad, I'm doing this, but yikes it is a lot of work. The good thing is pizza is on the menu only once. So hey, that's a positive. But I think the thing that gets me the most is doing the dishes. I now have a routine of doing dishes! I do the dishes while I cook dinner. And I almost always time dinner to correspond with the time Scott gets home.

Last week, I swept, mopped, dusted and polished. I even found myself folding Scott's clothes last night. I don't even fold my own clothes! I also scrubbed the shower, I mean really scrubbed it. As in I was on my hands and knees with the Comet and a scrub brush. And yes, I had my hair pulled back with a bandanna on it and wearing mismatch clothes to boot! In my spare time I knit.

I don't have the energy to be a stay at home anything. I'm just lucky we don't have kids, I'm pretty sure they would have been locked in a closet by now.

The beginning of many...

2007-11-08T20:32:00.000-05:00

I know. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Let's just say that I've been working through some things and the thought of writing, even for leisure, was just too difficult. In fact, I haven't even chatted with friends during this time either. I think I had to go into a hermit-like-state in order to work through stuff.

Ok, so here it goes. I have an eating disorder. I've kept this private for a number of reasons, mainly, I just couldn't deal with it. At first I thought if I said it out loud, that would be enough to admit to it. But I think keeping it to myself and not writing about it was just delaying the "recovery" process. So, there's that. I feel better now, and hopefully this will be the beginning of a beautiful relationship between me and my keyboard...wait that didn't sound right, oh well.

Oh, and I quit my job!

Weird Al and other topics

2007-09-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

So, I've rediscovered Weird Al Yankovic's parodies. I now have them on my Ipod, so when I'm browsing, checking email, etc., I have a play list of his songs that is over five hours long. I haven't listened to it straight through. Even I couldn't stand it for that long.

Anyway, it has been quite an adjustment to civilian life. For the first time in 22 years I'm not going to school. I almost had school-supply-shopping-withdrawal, if that can even be such a withdrawal. Work has its ups and downs. Ups - I like my job most days, except when people aren't thinking and when my boss hasn't forgotten something that had to be done for the next hour. And my legs look great from rushing around the kitchen! Downs - I'm not paid nearly enough for the job I have to do. So, I'm torn...I want to continue working here, but I feel really guilty for not being able to contribute more to bills and such at home. But then I think of trying to look for another job and I want to throw-up. And if I do find another job, I'll still have to train someone to take my place, and yikes - I'd feel guilty for leaving a new person in such a crazy position.

And even if I find a decent paying job and it has health insurance (don't even get me started!) it won't start for at least three months.

But, despite those small things like money and health insurance...I'm a lot happier than I've been in years. Go figure.

Anthony Bourdain Blogging

2007-09-06T22:42:00.000-04:00

For those of you who are Anthony Bourdain fans, check this guest blog out. Just had to share the laughs and cynical humor!

http://blog.ruhlman.com/ruhlmancom/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html

Bugs...yuck.

2007-08-17T23:53:00.000-04:00

Today was supposed to be the day that I go into work later, but alas it was not meant to be. My boss called at 10:40 asking if I can open at 11:00. She was ill, and being that we are a food establishment, that is highly frowned upon. There are only three of us trained to open, and two who have keys to the shop. Thus, yours truly had to go in earlier than originally intended.

My boss has been sick on a Friday before. It could be in part of the partaking of drink and song at Karaoke night at a local pizza joint. Hmmm, was this the case again? Alas, I don't know, and I'm trying not to get to pissy about it.

Anyway, to the bug situation. Apparently we have gnat infestation that coincides with the spider infestation. The gnats are everywhere! We have looked everywhere and have become so anal about cleaning, that it can't possibly food particles that are left out. And those gnatscan get into anything! I swear, I think they can teleport through plastic wrap. I found seven under the plastic wrap of some bread dough I had placed out to defrost! I'm just glad they weren't actually stuck in the bread dough, rather they just kind of hovered above the loaves, I really wouldn't have liked to through out the dough because of some dead bodies.

The bug man, or hunk man as I like to refer to him, came and rescued us from the vicious gnats and spiders. However, in his destruction of the horrid creatures, he discovered a nest of crickets in a drain. Our mighty defender once again triumphed and dispatched the offenders quickly!

Alas, my story ends on a happy note. Just when I'm completely fed up with my job, my boss informs me that I am getting a raise. Not bad for 1 month on the job! I can say without hesitating that I do not believe my future lies in kitchen management (the next foodnetwork star, maybe), I think I'll be able to return to my PhD work after all...just not quite yet.

Where does the time go?

2007-08-07T22:25:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it has been almost a month since I have blogged! Well, my new job has me working an average of 12 hour days, so by the time I get home, I'm exhausted. But hey, at least all this time on my feet is making my legs and butt look good! See there's a bright side to everything.

I just went to the ATHE conference in New Orleans, and I must say I enjoyed the conference and the city. The conference had highs and lows, high point--I remember why I do theatre, low point---I remember why I'm taking a break.

The ex and I had part of our honeymoon in New Orleans. The cruise we were on stopped in the Big Easy for the day. We didn't see much, just the French Quarter and the river walk. Well, the conference coincided with what would have been the fifth wedding anniversary. Well, during my free time on that day, I went to the same places we had gone and reclaimed them for myself and created new memories. I'm not erasing the old ones, but I'm acknowledging the past and embracing the present. (Wow, that sounds really corny, but you get my drift.) Anyway, life is too short to stay angry. If you spend your time angry, you'll miss all the good things life has to offer. Carpe Diem! (Ok, I just had the song "Seize the Day" from Newsies pop in my head, definitely time to call it a night when your blog triggers a theme song!

The fastest dishwasher on the face of the planet...

2007-07-13T21:46:00.000-04:00

So today was my first day at work. I got to sanitize all of the new kitchen hardware. The dishwasher, is an industrial strength dishwasher. From beginning to end, 1 minute flat! If I had one like that at home, I wouldn't have any dirty dishes sitting around ever again. Yeah, but sure would take up a good portion of space.

Before I could run all of the hardware through the dishwasher, I had to remove all the little stickers off the stuff first. Now, I know I am new to this business, but wouldn't it make sense for a restaurant supply company NOT to put sticky labels on the items they know have to be sterilized? Makes sense to me...but hey what do I know.

Finally moved in, now to get on with life.

2007-07-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

I have finally finished moving into my honey's place. Now "our" place, but that will take some getting used to on both our parts. Ares is testing his boundaries every step of the way. Just when I think he might have kicked using the furniture as a scratching post, he goes and does it on another piece of furniture that hasn't been covered with the sticky pads or no scratch spray. Today he has been in his carrier for a total of three times. From 5 to 7, then again from 8:30 to 9 and 9:30 to 10. He is now sound asleep. Just like with any animal, he'll adjust. If he doesn't then I guess Ares and I will move again. (Like I'd ever get rid of my cat!) :) But I don't think there will be any need to worry. The boys and I will just have to learn a new routine and figure out each others' boundaries. I know for sure that if Ares is in his carrier too much, it will have the adverse effect and instead of behaving he'll act up even more.

My job starts tonight. I was called this morning by my boss saying she needs help setting things up. So for the next two days I'll be setting up a kitchen. There's a good chance I'll be kitchen manager by the end of August. I have a chef's coat and everything. I'm looking forward to the change of pace.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is on our list Saturday. Only we're going to see it at the IMAX up in Detroit. The last scene is in 3-D. Not too much longer and the seventh book comes out! I'm going to try to improve my knitting so that I can get the Harry Potter knit book and make my stepsister a House scarf for Christmas. I think she's a Ravenclaw if I'm not mistaken. Someday I'll tackle Dobby's socks, but that might still be a long way off. Oh, dear...if I start talking about the different stitches in knitting somebody smack me!

Moving...still

2007-06-30T20:44:00.000-04:00

Thus endith day seven of THE MOVE. Temperature was running cool today as was everyone's tempers. Exhaustion has set in along with slap-happiness. Explains the incomplete sentences. Day eight will bring the rusty moving van. Transmission could go at any minute. Windows don't work. Whole truck shakes when stopped at a stop sign. Hope the old boy gets us through the move before he dies. Might have to put it out of its misery. Uhaul would be none to pleased with me. Beer and pizza lie in wait for our noon break tomorrow. Five of us moving stuff, should go fairly quickly. Day nine will bring cleaning of the old place (ICK) and more trips to Goodwill. Looking forward to the beer. Mom brought Ares fresh catnip. He will be happy no matter where he is with that stuff. Mmmm, beer.

Ares' new sport

2007-06-25T17:21:00.000-04:00

Ares' new sport is cat dish water polo. Lovely mess, isn't it?

I admit it, I'm a pack rat

2007-06-25T17:03:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of the paperwork that has been gathering on my desktop, coffee table, end table and pretty much anywhere else with a flat surface. I'm cleaning out my office today getting ready for the move. I have come to the realization that I inherited a bit of the "pack rat syndrome" from my Grandmother. Just looking around the office, I have noticed that I have nine 14 gallon tubs going into storage full of books, six file boxes of files, another four file boxes of knickknacks and keepsakes, three tubs of Christmas decorations...you get the picture.

It is going to be a long day, that is for sure. Now that I've cleaned all this stuff out, I need to go through and decide what few things go with to Scot's, what goes into my storage unit, what goes into the garbage. Right now, I feel like crawling under the desk and pretending it doesn't exist (otherwise known as the "if I ignore it, it will go away" disorder that I inherited from my other grandmother). But that won't get things done either. I'm sure Scot will read this and say, "I told you so, you're a pack rat." Well :P !

The Saga of Moving

2007-06-22T14:30:00.001-04:00

Some day, I hope I can be in management so I can screw people over! Wouldn't that be fun? So latest saga in the moving experience. I go to the manager's office last week only to be informed that my lease was renewed for another year. It turns out they never sent me a renewal notice, but yet I have a lease for a year because it was in my original lease. So I have two options, buy out my lease for the lump some of $1228 or take the chance that someone might want my place and can move in before the end of July so I don't have to pay the buyout price. They sent renewal notices to others, but not me, yet its my fault and I'm stuck with the price.

Well, the moron in charge told me to call him back in a week to see if my place being rented was a possibility. A week was yesterday and I called, he never called back. So I go in there today, and told by the office chippy that, "Well, he's the president of all our properties and usually gets over 100 calls a day, he'll get to you as soon as you can." This guy is a real slime ball, you know kind of a cross between a CEO and a used car salesman. Anyway he looks like the offspring of Allen Kaiser and George Hamilton. I've met this guy a number of times and each time he acts like he's never met me. So now, I wait, yet again for another moron to determine my schedule. I'm going to make such a nuisance of myself that they will be very glad to get rid of me.

To top it off, I'm trying to pack things for the move but don't have any boxes. Kind of makes things difficult.

Stupidity, it is a frightening epidemic.

2007-06-12T15:19:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with my mother and heard the saga that is my stepsis2's love life once more. Her boyfriend is truly an idiot. Raise your hand if you know better than to drive through standing water. Well the idiot did and it cost a lot of money and once again my dad-by-marriage had to go and help out. This is after the idiot was pulled over in my stepsis's car for speeding. He got arrested because of a probation violation, and he wrote a bunch of bad checks. My first question is "Why would stepsis2 even let him drive her car again?"

This just happened yesterday I guess, so I know my stepsis1, who live in the twin cities doesn't know about it yet, so of course I emailed her. Stepsis3 lives there so I'm sure she's heard, but she's a teenager and probably is to engulfed in driver's ed to give it too much thought. I've met the idiot once, I wasn't impressed but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I would really like to call stepsis2 and say, "Girl, dump the sorry excuse for a person." But, since I don't think she particularly likes me too much, I don't think that would make a huge impact. Maybe stepsis1 can talk some sense into her, then again, when I was stepsis2's age I wouldn't have listened either.

Grilling with the honey and family

2007-06-10T18:17:00.000-04:00

Today we grilled out over at Scot's dad's place. W has a nice gas grill that has hardly been used, so we are making use of it this summer. We're glad because W has also gotten out of the house more and used it himself. So anyway...today we grilled brats (not the small children, but the German sausage) and corn on the cob.

Altogether a very enjoyable meal. We have now decided that grilling corn on the cob in the husk is the way to go. Ok, so the first time Scot and I tried it...it was a disaster, we didn't know that you had to soak the corn in water first. You know, its that whole steaming thing and such...water is kind of important for that. The dog, Sophie, especially enjoyed chewing on the corn cobs when we were finished. I'm not sure who enjoys the cookouts more, me, Scot, W or Sophie. But today we learned that Sophie has acquired a taste for sauerkraut. I can honestly say I saw a dog eat sauerkraut...bet that's something you didn't think I'd say.

We stuck around a while longer and did some cleaning in the garage, you can almost walk in there now...alas those blasted golf balls are still there...someday, mark my words, someday they will be gone. A non-golfer owning over 2000 golf balls that are over 20 years old is a little, well, weird. But then again, who am I to talk, it wasn't until last year that I finally got around to throwing away all my notes from high school! W has graciously allowed me to store some of my things in his basement. With Scot and I moving in together, we must combine two households into one. What stays, what goes, what goes into storage, we both are facing those questions and I'm facing a lot of cleaning. Yeah...I'm thrilled...can't you tell?

See I told you I'd start blogging again!

2007-06-09T18:29:00.000-04:00

Well bitchbarn cast, Scot showed me how to edit my blog stuff, so I won't be bugging you all with computer questions for the time being! I found a job for the time being. I'll be working at Super Suppers starting the end of June. Yeah! A paycheck! Also, Scot and I are moving in together, it should be fun.

I saw the videos of myself on Robyn's blog! AHHHHHHHH! How scary was that. Scot got a good laugh out of it though.

4th post!

2005-11-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

For breakfast I had Multi-bran Chex, with 1% milk. That is the milk I like.

At least someone is posting...

2005-11-12T15:25:00.000-05:00

Since Macaela has not posted... I will

This morning for breakfast I had knock-off cocoa-pebble cereal

Another week

2005-09-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

I've just completed another crazy, busy week at BGSU. Someone please remind me why I'm getting my PhD again! Anyway, I'm still waiting to hear back from my editor as to whether or not I need to make changes to my Book Review. Get ready for this...my first time being published and I'm getting published in Theatre Journal! Sure its just a Book Review but soon I'll be able to go into Lexis Nexis or EbscoHost, type my name in as an author and I'll have an entry! Tee hee! I know rather dull but hey I take what I can get!

I thought today I'd give a bit more of an entry. Kristin might be keeping people up to speed but I did start dating again. In fact I had like this weird epiphany at my friend Gill's wedding in July. I was a bridesmaid...another long story. Anyway, I didn't tell her about the divorce so I acted like everything was totally cool and the whole time I was dreading the wedding because well...duh, I thought for sure it would be a terrible experience for me. But no...in fact I had a wonderful time. I met Gill's hubby-to-be, Ben, and I saw them together and it dawned on me that Sam and I never had that kind of love...and then I wasn't so sad anymore. (I've told all of this to Sam as well.) So when I got back from Arkansas I started dating - match.com is the best by the way.

I have met a wonderful man, his name is Scott and we are absolutely crazy about each other! He's a wonderful guy! We have A LOT in common! We met on match.com and he winked at me and I read his profile and I said to myself, "No way, he created his profile after reading mine!" So we chatted online before I headed to San Francisco for ATHE conference. It was an instant connection! We talked on the phone while I was in San Fran, and we decided that he would picke me up at the airport in Detroit. So our first meeting was when I was getting off the plane. I swear it was a scene from a sappy romance comedy, we picked each other out immediately and have been inseparable ever since. I can honestly say it was love at first sight! I know, feel free to gag here for all of the sugary sweet stuff I've been saying! I'm bringing him home at Thanksgiving to meet my dad and stepmom and all of my college buds! And I'm taking him to Minnesota for Christmas!

Hey I'd like to post some recent photos of myself, but I can't figure out how. Give me a hand y'all.

Welcome

2005-09-07T22:49:00.000-04:00

Wow, that was really easy. I wasn't ready to retire for the evening yet, so I got online and checked out the bitchbarn stuff and then went to look at Robyn's ring and well now here I am. Lots going on up here, so this will be a lovely little way to keep up.